On the 21st of December, last year I told myself, that I would want to write something here, that obligatory post that I post every year.
To be fair, I did try to pen something, although I would not say pen because that ‘pen something’ was actually a form of virtual entry that I have in my brain, that sorta thing.
As I sit myself on the plane, doing something out of my routine I was reflecting on my goals and achievements that I have done throughout the year.
It was just moments ago before I leave the hotel room to Incheon, that I weigh myself on the scale. I gained another 5kg of weight. It was nothing unusual, really.
Come every December, it seems to be the month where I gain some weight. Perhaps due to the kinda depression that I have to go through, or perhaps it was due to the holiday and year end. I would like to think that it was because of the holiday, but deep inside, I know it was because I miss The Boy.
I do not know when, but when I last sent The Boy a one-sided short text message, I did not receive a delivery report. No replies, no delivery report, nothing. This was back in 2010.
A few days back, as I was browsing on my Whatsapp, I saw a familiar number that was on Whatsapp. It was The Boy’s number; I have kept his number till date, not wanting to remove it from my address book, not wanting to remove him.
Ironic, I am still not able to get him on Facebook, he has just vanished.
For as far as I remembered, The Boy and I have not been contacting each other for at least a year. The last time that I have actually contacted him was actually a one sided sms message to him wishing him a happy birthday.
It is ironic so to speak, to have two ex boy friends that shares the same birth date. At least one of the consolation that I have that another ex is younger than the other.
I could not put myself together to clean up the bulk of things that I kept in the store.
It was the memories; memories of you in my heart for that short period of time that we were together.
Remember the time when I went over to your place, and then we started sending text messages to each other expressing our interest? Remember the time when you sneak out from school to come see me because you said you miss seeing me?
It was never easy letting you go; I have learn that sometimes it is always best to let things go in order for us to continue moving forward.
Looking back at the things that was in the store made me thinking. What was it that made us together despite our differences.
I can’t find a reason.
It’s time now, to let it all go.
Maybe you still have a small spot in my heart, but for now, I think I still have space to store things up under my bed.