Tag Archives | tears

Holding on

As I sit myself on the plane, doing some­thing out of my rou­tine I was reflect­ing on my goals and achieve­ments that I have done through­out the year.

It was just moments ago before I leave the hotel room to Incheon, that I weigh myself on the scale. I gained anoth­er 5kg of weight. It was noth­ing unusu­al, really.

Come every Decem­ber, it seems to be the month where I gain some weight. Per­haps due to the kin­da depres­sion that I have to go through, or per­haps it was due to the hol­i­day and year end. I would like to think that it was because of the hol­i­day, but deep inside, I know it was because I miss The Boy.

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I woke up ear­ly today. Real­ly early.

I could not sleep. Insom­nia has got the best of me. That’s not just it, flash­back of our moments with the boy hit me hard again, till I almost kneel down to my knees beg­ging it to stop.

I want to cry it out, loud if I could, but I can’t. Streak of tears just kept on falling because it knows I miss the boy very much.

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The boy that broke my heart

Cedric, you ex boy friend looks like my friend. He is my junior and he looked exact­ly like him”

That was what he told me when I first showed him the boy’s pic­ture over the Inter­net. I had slow­ly got­ten over the whole break-up thing, but I was­n’t still sure that I have put the boy aside, and con­tin­ue with what is going on what is in front of me.

I sup­posed I can­not for­get the fact that I can eas­i­ly fall in love, even back in my heart, I still think about the boy, all the time.

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Same Subject, Different Day

My mind is almost blank, but yet there is this feel­ing inside me that makes me want to shout out to the world that I have a lot on my mind, and yet still empty.

Yes, maybe I do not know how to put things in words. Maybe I am just con­fused of the cer­tain feel­ings that I have right now, maybe it was just nothing.

His voice still echoes deep inside. I could still hear him say­ing things to me. Was it just my imag­i­na­tion, or just mere­ly because I missed him so much?

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I can feel a hot one

I could feel a hot one tak­ing me down 
For a moment, I could feel the force
Faint­ed to the point of tears
And you were hold­ing on to make a point
What’s the point?

I’m but a clean man, sta­ble and alone man
Make it so I won’t have to try
The faces always stay the same
So I face the fact that I’m just fine
I said that I’m just fine

I remem­ber, head down,
After you had found out
Man­na is a hell of a drug
And I need a lit­tle more, I think
Because enough is nev­er quite enough
What’s enough?

I took it like a grown man cry­ing on the pavement
Hop­ing you would show your face
But I haven’t heard a thing you’ve said
In at least a cou­ple hun­dred days
What’d you say?

I was in the front seat, shak­ing it out
And I was ask­ing if you felt alright
I nev­er want to hear the truth
I want to hear your voice, it sound­ed fine
My voice, it sound­ed fine

I could feel my heart­beat tak­ing me down
And for the moment, I would sleep alright
Invad­ing with a self­ish fear
To keep me up anoth­er rest­less night
Anoth­er rest­less night

The blood was dry, it was sober
The feel­ing of audi­ble cracks
And I could tell it was over
From the cur­tains that hung from your neck

And I real­ized that then you were perfect
And my teeth rip­ping out of my head
And it looked like a paint­ing I once knew
Back when my thoughts weren’t entire­ly intact

To pray for what I thought were angels
End­ed up being ambulances
And the Lord showed me dreams of my daughter
She was cry­ing inside your stomach

And I felt love again

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