Tag Archives | suicidal

The happy pills

I am sure a cou­ple of peo­ple have read about my sui­cide episodes after L had found him­self a companion.

Almost 10 days ago it was when it all start­ed. Every­thing went on so fast, too fast that it took me down like a defense­less ant.

40 sleep­ing pills, a cou­ple of pain killers, a cou­ple of ‘Panadol’ and a bot­tle Vod­ka, I woke up almost 26 hours lat­er. It was a mir­a­cle, but the thought of L is still fresh in my mind. My mind start­ed to wan­der around the realm out of the real­i­ty and try­ing to think with­out the actu­al thinking.

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Overcoming a non successful relationship

In life, there are just so many if’s and we just can’t answer to all of them.

As much as I do not under­stand how did L got togeth­er with the oth­er guy, I could not under­stand it when the first time I met with L either. It was too ran­dom, too fast and too quick.

There are cer­tain lit­tle things that one must be able to see, the small lit­tle things.

If I had only left the iPod with L, if I had only give him more atten­tion instead of ask­ing him ques­tions and ques­tions, if I had only con­trol my tem­per, if I had only send him gen­tle words instead of harsh words when he’s hurt, if I had only …

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Overcoming depression

I had a long chat on MSN with a close friend, and I think I know what the prob­lems is.

You see, after that whole episods of me puk­ing my guts out in my own room, I think I am suf­fer­ing from depres­sion and needs med­ical help. I mean, this is not nor­mal, being sui­ci­dal is not nor­mal. Besides hav­ing to clean my room full of puke, and blood, I guess I am okay.

Some­one says that I sound very pos­ses­sive. I was­n’t real­ly. I was try­ing to pro­tect L, I tried too hard. I was worried.

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