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The happy pills

By on April 22, 2008 in Personal, Relationships

I am sure a cou­ple of peo­ple have read about my sui­cide episodes after L had found him­self a companion.

Almost 10 days ago it was when it all start­ed. Every­thing went on so fast, too fast that it took me down like a defense­less ant.

40 sleep­ing pills, a cou­ple of pain killers, a cou­ple of ‘Panadol’ and a bot­tle Vod­ka, I woke up almost 26 hours lat­er. It was a mir­a­cle, but the thought of L is still fresh in my mind. My mind start­ed to wan­der around the realm out of the real­i­ty and try­ing to think with­out the actu­al thinking.

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Overcoming a non successful relationship

By on April 15, 2008 in Personal, Relationships

In life, there are just so many if’s and we just can’t answer to all of them.

As much as I do not under­stand how did L got togeth­er with the oth­er guy, I could not under­stand it when the first time I met with L either. It was too ran­dom, too fast and too quick.

There are cer­tain lit­tle things that one must be able to see, the small lit­tle things.

If I had only left the iPod with L, if I had only give him more atten­tion instead of ask­ing him ques­tions and ques­tions, if I had only con­trol my tem­per, if I had only send him gen­tle words instead of harsh words when he’s hurt, if I had only …

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Overcoming depression

By on April 13, 2008 in Personal, Relationships

I had a long chat on MSN with a close friend, and I think I know what the prob­lems is.

You see, after that whole episods of me puk­ing my guts out in my own room, I think I am suf­fer­ing from depres­sion and needs med­ical help. I mean, this is not nor­mal, being sui­ci­dal is not nor­mal. Besides hav­ing to clean my room full of puke, and blood, I guess I am okay.

Some­one says that I sound very pos­ses­sive. I was­n’t real­ly. I was try­ing to pro­tect L, I tried too hard. I was worried.

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