Tag Archives | Singapore

The problems

Sleep­less­ness, that is what I can use to describe myself.

I would want to blame it on the dif­fer­ent time zones, they call it jet lagged. Yes, I have been liv­ing on a jet set­ter’s lifestyle since late Novem­ber. It was fun, to be able to trav­el all around, meet­ing dif­fer­ent peo­ple before I start myself in Uni in May.

But that is not the point, the point is, I want­ed to stay away from my home in Kuala Lumpur. I had want­ed to do this for a very long time, try­ing to see if I could for­get the boy. The truth is, I can’t. On the boy’s birth­day last year, while I was in Brazil, I gave the boy a call to wish him a hap­py birth­day. I mean, it would only be appro­pri­ate if I do that, at least, I thought it that way.

Not only was I wrong about the whole thing, I still end­ed up cry­ing at night, hug­ging a pil­low, that I was well aware that it would not hug me back.

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Comfort zone

Every once a while, peo­ple tend to do things out of the ordi­nary. Try­ing to push their own lim­its that they have set to them­self, to get out from their com­fort zone.

I had want­ed to leave that com­fort zone for a very long time, but I had not dare to do that because I was­n’t sure how things would be, and how well can I han­dle them.

As much as I would like to talk about L in the blog, and as much as I do not want to because it is a pub­lic domain, I cant. Main­ly because L is involved in many events in my life.

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Confused, frustrated and blank

Even thought we are see­ing each oth­er now, it seems like the sit­u­a­tion has not improve at all. I don’t know how should I put it, but I am try­ing to do every­thing that I pos­si­bly can to get back L’s trust, and the rela­tion­ship. I guess this is my ‘last card’ before I real­ly give up and move on. 4 years is quite a bit of wait, espe­cial­ly for a per­son that is impa­tient like me.

Lester has been strug­gling with his stud­ies. He had not been hav­ing good sleep since then. I had told him that I would not mind get­ting him to Sin­ga­pore to fur­ther his stud­ies, and in the mean time, I can too start a new life there. It works both ways, depend­ing on if we want­ed it to work or not.

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Love is just complicated sometimes

As much as I would like things to work out togeth­er between us, things are just not the way that we always want them to be.

I am wor­ried that things might not work out between us, not the rela­tion­ship part, but rather the whole ‘stay­ing in Sin­ga­pore’ part. Per­haps in L’s mind, I am mak­ing this deci­sion because I want­ed to be with him. Well, par­tial­ly because I real­ly want­ed to be with him. Anoth­er part of me just want­ed to leave Malaysia for good, or the longest pos­si­ble time, if possible.

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Busy busy

Christ­mas is near, every­one is busy.

I am down at Sin­ga­pore now enjoy­ing my Christ­mas. I can only get to a com­put­er once a while, for­give me okay?

On the oth­er hand, I man­age to take a lot of pic­ture of cute guys in Sin­ga­pore. Sex has been great too! Tell you later.

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