Tag Archives | Love life

Meeting someone new

I hate it that some­times when I feel like blog­ging, and when I switch on my Mac­book Pro and open up my blog site, that whole ‘I want to blog’ feel­ing just went away.

If you remem­ber the last time I talked about The Boy was when I sent him a birth­day mes­sage that even­tu­al­ly unde­liv­ered. Just a few weeks back, I saw him work­ing in a bou­tique down town. I was not sure how should I be respond­ing to such emo­tion, that I was try­ing real­ly hard to avoid a face to face encounter. Par­tial­ly it was because our break-up was not a pleas­ant one.

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It slipped my mind for a while. After I got back from Genting, to pluck a flower for L, he called me.

Well, the con­ver­sa­tion was a pret­ty long one, but in the con­ver­sa­tion, L said that he was­n’t too com­fort­able me men­tion­ing about the things that we do togeth­er in the blog, he knows that I write about him. I guess that is how he some­times check on me, and see how I feel about cer­tain things.

Any­ways, I have promised him that I am not going to men­tion any­thing about us in the blog from now on. I will just have to put my writ­ings into my trusty diary that I have been neglect­ed for so many years.

So for now, no more updates on my rela­tion­ship with Lester. Sor­ry folks.

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Confused, frustrated and blank

Even thought we are see­ing each oth­er now, it seems like the sit­u­a­tion has not improve at all. I don’t know how should I put it, but I am try­ing to do every­thing that I pos­si­bly can to get back L’s trust, and the rela­tion­ship. I guess this is my ‘last card’ before I real­ly give up and move on. 4 years is quite a bit of wait, espe­cial­ly for a per­son that is impa­tient like me.

Lester has been strug­gling with his stud­ies. He had not been hav­ing good sleep since then. I had told him that I would not mind get­ting him to Sin­ga­pore to fur­ther his stud­ies, and in the mean time, I can too start a new life there. It works both ways, depend­ing on if we want­ed it to work or not.

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A loose end

The gloomy weath­er is mak­ing me feel­ing depressed. Sud­den­ly, it felt as if I am lost, in a wide open space. Every­thing just speeds on so fast, things beside us changed too rapid­ly that we can’t cope with the speed.

So many things needs to be answered. Uncer­tain­ties, con­fu­sion and what not.

When you are so used to hav­ing some­one by your side and you become com­fort­able, out of the sud­den you let down your deter­rent but when you begin to believe in the most amaz­ing things that could hap­pen to you. It sim­ply wears off when you real­ized you have just been ide­al­is­tic and unrealistic.

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Overcoming a non successful relationship

In life, there are just so many if’s and we just can’t answer to all of them.

As much as I do not under­stand how did L got togeth­er with the oth­er guy, I could not under­stand it when the first time I met with L either. It was too ran­dom, too fast and too quick.

There are cer­tain lit­tle things that one must be able to see, the small lit­tle things.

If I had only left the iPod with L, if I had only give him more atten­tion instead of ask­ing him ques­tions and ques­tions, if I had only con­trol my tem­per, if I had only send him gen­tle words instead of harsh words when he’s hurt, if I had only …

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