Tag Archives | lonely

Lonely

I woke up in the morn­ing today to find out that I was alone at home. I made my way to the kitchen to make myself some break­fast; there was some left­over from last night.

While break­fast was being heat­ed up, some left­over meat­balls and spaghet­ti, I was hav­ing that weird feel­ing of being alone.

I put on some movies and tried to con­cen­trate, I can’t. Lunch time came, and the same thing hap­pen. Cooked myself lunch, tried to sit in front of that giant LCD TV that I bought myself, but I still could not con­cen­trate with what is going on on the TV.

Din­ner was the same, this time I gave up try­ing to put some­thing on the TV, and just stuffed my face with the food.

I had not logged in to my Face­book, my Twit­ter was left dor­mant. It’s not that I pur­pose­ly did that. More like when I want­ed to tweet about some­thing, no one replied to me, and I find it rather depress­ing.

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Thinking aloud

Well, I too not too sure what is going on with myself late­ly.

To think about the boy, [makes me cry](http://www.cedricang.com/personal/same-subject-different-day-20090331/).

To think about home, makes me [lonely](http://www.cedricang.com/personal/lonely-20080822/).

To think about going out and take some pic­tures, my cam­era is at the bot­tom of a croc­o­dile infest­ed riv­er in [Chi­ang Mai](http://www.cedricang.com/rant/accident-in-chiang-mai-20090508/).

To think about hav­ing sex with a stranger in Cen­tral Park, then I am [scared of this](http://www.cedricang.com/personal/are-you-positive-or-negative-20081107/).

So how?

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Night in a Japanese Gay Bar

One of the things that I had want­ed to try was to have some club­bing fun in Japan.

As sacred as the Nan­taimori, I thought the gay club­bing scene in Tokyo would be as well. I must say, I was total­ly over­whelmed with the expe­ri­ence.

It start­ed out with this guy ask­ing me if I was inter­est­ed to join him in the club. We had both exchanged eye con­tacts when we were both at the local Star­bucks get­ting our dai­ly dos­es of caf­feine.

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The prank that went wrong

I tried so hard, I real­ly did.

It was a prank that I have pulled that went seri­ous­ly wrong.

At first, I thought I want­ed to see his reac­tion on how he would see things. Now, I guess I have to change my point of view to a whole new per­spec­tive.

I could not sleep last night. Pen­ning my [last entry](http://www.cedricang.com/personal/thoughts-20090427/ “Thoughts”) I was already exhaust­ed, per­haps with what has been going on for the past few months, per­haps with what has been going on late­ly. I tried to slot in hints on my Face­book, hints that I was­n’t ready for a long dis­tance rela­tion­ship. I am a ‘clos­et­ed’ per­son. Clos­et­ed not that I am not out, but a rather, I pre­fer to be close to some­one, the be able to hug the per­son, to kiss the per­son, and in return to be loved.

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Lonely

I have been very [lonely](http://www.cedricang.com/love-life/a‑loose-end-20080416/) late­ly.

Ever since Frankie left for Miri to work, I have been look­ing at my MSN list for hours try­ing to look for some­one to chat.

I tried to talk to the boy, but the boy refuse to talk to me because he is pissed at some­thing that I do not think I have done.

How now ?

Maybe I should go com­pa­ny Puki.

![puki](http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3237/2821433415_7d352209ed.jpg)

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