Same Subject, Different Day

My mind is almost blank, but yet there is this feel­ing inside me that makes me want to shout out to the world that I have a lot on my mind, and yet still emp­ty.

Yes, maybe I do not know how to put things in words. Maybe I am just con­fused of the cer­tain feel­ings that I have right now, maybe it was just noth­ing.

His voice still echoes deep inside. I could still hear him say­ing things to me. Was it just my imag­i­na­tion, or just mere­ly because I missed him so much?

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The problems

Sleep­less­ness, that is what I can use to describe myself.

I would want to blame it on the dif­fer­ent time zones, they call it jet lagged. Yes, I have been liv­ing on a jet set­ter’s lifestyle since late Novem­ber. It was fun, to be able to trav­el all around, meet­ing dif­fer­ent peo­ple before I start myself in Uni in May.

But that is not the point, the point is, I want­ed to stay away from my home in Kuala Lumpur. I had want­ed to do this for a very long time, try­ing to see if I could for­get the boy. The truth is, I can’t. On the boy’s birth­day last year, while I was in Brazil, I gave the boy a call to wish him a hap­py birth­day. I mean, it would only be appro­pri­ate if I do that, at least, I thought it that way.

Not only was I wrong about the whole thing, I still end­ed up cry­ing at night, hug­ging a pil­low, that I was well aware that it would not hug me back.

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Manipulative me

Life isn’t always just full of ros­es. I am sure along the way, there are the thorns, the ups and the downs in life.

My boy friend said some­times I am very manip­u­la­tive in my words. The oth­er day, he walked off from me.

I some­times like to do things spon­ta­neous­ly. Like, on the day when L walked off from me, I actu­al­ly said I want­ed to go to this restau­rant to meet up with my friends, and unfor­tu­nate­ly my friends were not there.

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