Whatever decisions that I make now, would determine what would happen in the relationship between us.
It was a normal Monday morning for me to start off with. Ants were all over my work desk for some unknown reasons, my notebook’s power adapter was turned off, and my notebook was forcefully shut off, leaving me with less two hours of production work. How else can you start off a Monday?
A cup of nice warm milk coffee later, the boy messaged me. I had wanted to drop by to Gardens tomorrow evening to grab a USB charger for the boy; he had misplaced it. I told him about my plans the weekend before, and the boy did not want to follow, I found it odd that suddenly he asked me about it.
I know that he would be tired and all, so I thought of sending him to the movies while I finish up some work in the office before meeting him up in Gardens to pick up the charger, have dinner and send him home. So, after a couple of SMS, we have decided to watch ‘Dark Knight’. The boy had refused to watch that show, until someone ‘reviewed’ to him that it was a good show, he had wanted to give it a shot. While I was checking or a suitable time schedule for him, he sent me a message saying that we should not make it that late. He must have had the assumption that we were watching the show together, at least that’s what I think. I suggested to him that maybe he could rest himself in Starbucks, getting cozy and easy with a book, just relaxing.
Then, I used the wrong words, I told him to stop complaining. I told him that we could do this some other time, on a weekend or something.
He told me that he just wanted to voice out what he is going through. I guess collage has been pretty hectic for him right now, and that he needed his rest. The previous weekend, I know that he had been up pretty early to get some things done.
While deep in my heart, I have the mix feelings about the whole situation. Why would he not mind having little rest with his when he was with his previous boy friend, and now, a sleep that is less than 6 hours is deemed insufficient? Why is it so hard for us to communicate? Would it be because of the age gap?
I was angry and frustrated at myself.
The Eskimo had hundred of words for snow, and we have invented a dozen of it for relationships but the more words we invent the more harder for us to define things. In the world where you can date without sex, screw without dating, and in the end keep most of your sex partners as friends long after the screwing is over, what define what is a relationship?
I have spend the whole night thinking, what is this relationship to me. Instead of making the boy to be something else, I need to let go and appreciate him for what he was, truly mind blowing and adorable in whatever he do. I should get myself ready for work, maybe sleep at work.