Unpredictable Monday

What­ev­er deci­sions that I make now, would deter­mine what would hap­pen in the rela­tion­ship between us.

It was a nor­mal Mon­day morn­ing for me to start off with. Ants were all over my work desk for some unknown rea­sons, my note­book’s pow­er adapter was turned off, and my note­book was force­ful­ly shut off, leav­ing me with less two hours of pro­duc­tion work. How else can you start off a Monday?

A cup of nice warm milk cof­fee lat­er, the boy mes­saged me. I had want­ed to drop by to Gar­dens tomor­row evening to grab a USB charg­er for the boy; he had mis­placed it. I told him about my plans the week­end before, and the boy did not want to fol­low, I found it odd that sud­den­ly he asked me about it.

I know that he would be tired and all, so I thought of send­ing him to the movies while I fin­ish up some work in the office before meet­ing him up in Gar­dens to pick up the charg­er, have din­ner and send him home. So, after a cou­ple of SMS, we have decid­ed to watch ‘Dark Knight’. The boy had refused to watch that show, until some­one ‘reviewed’ to him that it was a good show, he had want­ed to give it a shot. While I was check­ing or a suit­able time sched­ule for him, he sent me a mes­sage say­ing that we should not make it that late. He must have had the assump­tion that we were watch­ing the show togeth­er, at least that’s what I think. I sug­gest­ed to him that maybe he could rest him­self in Star­bucks, get­ting cozy and easy with a book, just relaxing.

Then, I used the wrong words, I told him to stop com­plain­ing. I told him that we could do this some oth­er time, on a week­end or something.

He told me that he just want­ed to voice out what he is going through. I guess col­lage has been pret­ty hec­tic for him right now, and that he need­ed his rest. The pre­vi­ous week­end, I know that he had been up pret­ty ear­ly to get some things done.

While deep in my heart, I have the mix feel­ings about the whole sit­u­a­tion. Why would he not mind hav­ing lit­tle rest with his when he was with his pre­vi­ous boy friend, and now, a sleep that is less than 6 hours is deemed insuf­fi­cient? Why is it so hard for us to com­mu­ni­cate? Would it be because of the age gap?

I was angry and frus­trat­ed at myself.

The Eski­mo had hun­dred of words for snow, and we have invent­ed a dozen of it for rela­tion­ships but the more words we invent the more hard­er for us to define things. In the world where you can date with­out sex, screw with­out dat­ing, and in the end keep most of your sex part­ners as friends long after the screw­ing is over, what define what is a relationship?

I have spend the whole night think­ing, what is this rela­tion­ship to me. Instead of mak­ing the boy to be some­thing else, I need to let go and appre­ci­ate him for what he was, tru­ly mind blow­ing and adorable in what­ev­er he do. I should get myself ready for work, maybe sleep at work.


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