The boy that broke my heart

Cedric, you ex boy friend looks like my friend. He is my junior and he looked exact­ly like him”

That was what he told me when I first showed him the boy’s pic­ture over the Inter­net. I had slow­ly got­ten over the whole break-up thing, but I was­n’t still sure that I have put the boy aside, and con­tin­ue with what is going on what is in front of me.

I sup­posed I can­not for­get the fact that I can eas­i­ly fall in love, even back in my heart, I still think about the boy, all the time.

It was a guy that I have known for a very long time, resid­ing in the state of Johore. We had not spo­ken for a very long time, until some form of inci­dent that bought us togeth­er. We got pret­ty close chat­ting online recent­ly and had decid­ed to meet up.

Hey, lets go for a movie or some­thing, we can go after school, if that is alright with you. How about Time Square, it’s con­ve­nient for both of us, right?”

Indeed, we met up that day, and my heart melt­ed look­ing at the charm­ing boy stand­ing in front of me. It was that time that David sent him a sms, say­ing that he would be com­ing over to KL. David, the name reminds me of some­thing, some­one that I had real­ly adore and cared for back in the days. David oh David.

Har­ry gave David my mobile so that David could con­tact me to arrange a meet up when he gets to KL.

Har­ry came over to my house that day.

Hey, your ex seri­ous­ly looks like David. Seriously!”

DSC_0822-NNHar­ry was com­ment­ing about the pic­tures that I had sit­ting on my desk, the pic­tures that I always stared at mes­mer­ized about the boy; the pic­tures that I often look at, and then say hi to Mr Tears. The pic­tures that will always remind me of the sweet mem­o­ries between me and the boy, our love, our pas­sion, and hatred.

At some point of time, I fell in love with David already. With­out look­ing at his pic­tures, with­out know­ing much about him.

At the same time, I felt disgusted.

The mixed feel­ings were actu­al­ly in fact that David is a sex­u­al­ly deprived per­son. Now, per­haps that was­n’t a bad thing for me, because as horny as a boy can be, the bet­ter for the rela­tion­ship because sex is going to be abun­dant and if not, ful­fill­ing. I was­n’t sure but I guess I was­n’t ready to accept the fact that David might have been ‘fuck­ing’ around, I mean, what else can a hor­mone charged teenag­er do, in a small town in Johore, if not look­ing for sex all the time, everywhere?

Har­ry told me that he did it with David before. Twice or thrice, but that was­n’t the point. The point is that David just want it in, with plea­sure. I guess, like they say, sex is always fun, and ful­fill­ing if you are going to have it with some­one that you like, or cared about. By the way, per­haps it was one of the times where I fell in love with Har­ry even more.

Some­thing went wrong in our exchange of text mes­sages. David sud­den­ly told me that he would not want to con­tin­ue to talk to me. I did in fact told David that I dis­like cer­tain things that most gay peo­ple do, the ‘height & weight’ inter­ro­ga­tion. He got so pissed off per­haps with my bad choice of words, he scold­ed me, and called me crazy.

There and then, my heart felt like sink­ing to the depths of Titan­ic. It hit the ocean floor so hard, waves and waves of tears came attack­ing that already gloomy night as aftershocks.

I text Har­ry, I said, nev­er had I felt so in love with some­one that I have not met, some­one that I might not want to fuck, and some­one that is as charm­ing as David.

I don’t know at which point, but Har­ry asked me to let it go, per­haps try it anoth­er time, per­haps never.

My heart still impris­oned in the bot­tom of the cold dark ocean.

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6 Responses to The boy that broke my heart

  1. Thomas aka chee fei April 15, 2009 at 11:05 am #

    i am real­ly sor­ry to know that the boy had hurt your feel­ings so ter­ri­bly, yes he may be hor­mone charged, but he might not have mul­ti­ple sex cou­ples, coz i am sure the boy is look­ing for some­one he real­ly loved

  2. m a r v z April 15, 2009 at 2:18 pm #


    As much as I want­ed to get over my ex‑, I too could­nt get over him that eas­i­ly espe­cial­ly the fact that he moved on quick­ly than as expect­ed (made me feel like the rela­tion­ship was nothing…)

    … But you cant help but find some look-alikes walk­ing around in every cor­ner of the plan­et — trust me, i know and i’ve seen some vary­ing types of nation­al­i­ties with sim­i­lar structures 🙂

    And yes, it real­ly does shit me when peo­ple start inter­ro­gat­ing or ques­tion­ing over your phys­i­cal attrib­ut­es (your clas­sic exam­ple of weight/height) and put more on an empha­sis on that part rather than focus­ing on the human element -

    Keep on blog­ging dude.

    • M
    • Cedric Ang April 24, 2009 at 1:42 pm #

      @m a r v z,

      I do always want to get over my ex. I mean, the mem­o­ry is some­times just too painful to bear. Even the hap­py moments make me cry, I could not imag­ine the sad moments that when we were both together.

  3. Queen B April 15, 2009 at 10:50 pm #

    more sex dra­ma! we likey~

    • Cedric Ang April 24, 2009 at 1:40 pm #

      @Queen B,

      Sex dra­ma. Isn’t that what makes us all happy?

  4. JC August 30, 2010 at 7:27 pm #

    Hi Cedric and M,

    I know my response is kin­da late, but I only just came across your blog today.

    Could­n’t agree more with M .… man, you are absolute­ly right. I too am in a so-called ‘bad’ rela­tion­ship right now, even con­tem­plat­ing a major show-down soon 🙁 So wish me luck, or bet­ter luck next time !

    Gam­bat­eh !


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