“Cedric, you ex boy friend looks like my friend. He is my junior and he looked exactly like him”
That was what he told me when I first showed him the boy’s picture over the Internet. I had slowly gotten over the whole break-up thing, but I wasn’t still sure that I have put the boy aside, and continue with what is going on what is in front of me.
I supposed I cannot forget the fact that I can easily fall in love, even back in my heart, I still think about the boy, all the time.
It was a guy that I have known for a very long time, residing in the state of Johore. We had not spoken for a very long time, until some form of incident that bought us together. We got pretty close chatting online recently and had decided to meet up.
“Hey, lets go for a movie or something, we can go after school, if that is alright with you. How about Time Square, it’s convenient for both of us, right?”
Indeed, we met up that day, and my heart melted looking at the charming boy standing in front of me. It was that time that David sent him a sms, saying that he would be coming over to KL. David, the name reminds me of something, someone that I had really adore and cared for back in the days. David oh David.
Harry gave David my mobile so that David could contact me to arrange a meet up when he gets to KL.
Harry came over to my house that day.
“Hey, your ex seriously looks like David. Seriously!”
Harry was commenting about the pictures that I had sitting on my desk, the pictures that I always stared at mesmerized about the boy; the pictures that I often look at, and then say hi to Mr Tears. The pictures that will always remind me of the sweet memories between me and the boy, our love, our passion, and hatred.
At some point of time, I fell in love with David already. Without looking at his pictures, without knowing much about him.
At the same time, I felt disgusted.
The mixed feelings were actually in fact that David is a sexually deprived person. Now, perhaps that wasn’t a bad thing for me, because as horny as a boy can be, the better for the relationship because sex is going to be abundant and if not, fulfilling. I wasn’t sure but I guess I wasn’t ready to accept the fact that David might have been ‘fucking’ around, I mean, what else can a hormone charged teenager do, in a small town in Johore, if not looking for sex all the time, everywhere?
Harry told me that he did it with David before. Twice or thrice, but that wasn’t the point. The point is that David just want it in, with pleasure. I guess, like they say, sex is always fun, and fulfilling if you are going to have it with someone that you like, or cared about. By the way, perhaps it was one of the times where I fell in love with Harry even more.
Something went wrong in our exchange of text messages. David suddenly told me that he would not want to continue to talk to me. I did in fact told David that I dislike certain things that most gay people do, the ‘height & weight’ interrogation. He got so pissed off perhaps with my bad choice of words, he scolded me, and called me crazy.
There and then, my heart felt like sinking to the depths of Titanic. It hit the ocean floor so hard, waves and waves of tears came attacking that already gloomy night as aftershocks.
I text Harry, I said, never had I felt so in love with someone that I have not met, someone that I might not want to fuck, and someone that is as charming as David.
I don’t know at which point, but Harry asked me to let it go, perhaps try it another time, perhaps never.
My heart still imprisoned in the bottom of the cold dark ocean.