Relationship, does it have to suck all the time?

I seri­ous­ly do not under­stand why is the rela­tion­ship always like this.

As much as I want it to turn to a sweet side of the sto­ry, as much as I tried to do what is I assume is the best, it always turn outs to be some­thing else.

Every­thing was seems to be work­ing fine, I take it because things are going smooth­ly, I do not get angry as often as last time. He does­n’t piss me off as often as last time. Then, today, words got exchanged, and he final­ly said that it is over.

No, I said maybe we should con­sid­er to end it since both of us were suf­fer­ing from the rela­tion­ship. I had done so many things to try to make it feels and look nice, I have done so many things to try to make him hap­py, and yet I now feel that there are some things that I have not done.

Why is it always that I do not seem to show that I real­ly appre­ci­ate the rela­tion­ship? I mean, I should be because every­thing I was the one that want­ed it back. Do I real­ly take things for grant­ed? Like propos­ing to end the rela­tion­ship and after a few min­utes, quick­ly take my own words back ?

I can’t sleep. Not because I am not tired; I am exhaust­ed from what is hap­pen­ing for the last cou­ple of days. Things at work, things with the fam­i­ly and the rela­tion­ship. I can­not seem to focus on one thing at a time, and this make things kin­da suck.

When I am lone­ly, I think of him. When I need some­one, I think of him.

Almost 4 am in the morn­ing, and I can’t sleep. Great !

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