I have been think­ing, and confused.

I love my job, I love my boy friend. Actu­al­ly, both has got noth­ing in com­mon, but both also tied togeth­er with each oth­er. Fuck, I don’t know how should I put this. I don’t know how should I relate it. I have got a lot to blog about but I real­ly do not know how to put my feel­ings into words.

Well, it all start­ed when I know my boy friend. I met him from Friend­ster. I then met up with him at his cous­in’s place.

Took him to Genting that day, and then brought him home. Well, what hap­pened next real­ly changed me, per­haps my boy friend as well.

I went to his birth­day, of course as his boyfriend I would like to be beside him all the time, but I made a mis­take, a pret­ty fatal one. You see, his fam­i­ly do not know that he is a homo­sex­u­al, per­haps they had a hint but what I did just made them believe that my boy friend is one.

Dur­ing his birth­day par­ty, when he was spend­ing time with his friends, I gave him a hug, in fact I think I hugged him almost most of the time. This is being seen by my boy friend’s par­ents, which is bad. Towards his friends, my boy friend is open about him being a gay.

We went out for quite some time already, and am still going out. He haven had his fore­skin total­ly off his penile head, I for­got what’s the term for that. I bor­rowed him the cyber­skin butt that I have got last time, and bought him a tube of KY Jel­ly to com­ple­ment with that.

Well, it start­ed like this. He went out with Mid­val­ley with his god broth­er, some­thing that I am not total­ly com­fort­able with, but as a rela­tion­ship, I should have trust in him and should not con­trol him too much. I should give him some per­son­al space, to know some new peo­ple and this kin­da things.

Any­ways, when he was out that faith­ful night, his par­ents went over his belong­ings. They found the cyber­skin and the KY Jelly.

That same day, I did not know that my boy friend was with his god broth­er. Since we had friend find­er, I did a search on him and then he text me and told me that he is in Mid­val­ley. I assumed that he was with his par­ents. It was some­thing about going home him­self that I real­ized that he was not with his par­ents. I was so short of cash that time, but I just had to go find him and send him back.

Sent him back near his house, and he walked in. I do not want to drop him in front of his house in fear of his par­ents. When I was back, I got a phone call from his dad ask­ing me if it was me that sent him back. His dad ques­tioned me about why did I not drop him in front of the house, per­haps try­ing to cre­ate a con­ver­sa­tion before telling me that his moth­er found the “toys”.

My boy friend lost his hand­fone once, his friend returned it to him. I don’t care as long as the phone is not total­ly lost. Just a week or so, he lost the phone again, this time with no chance of get­ting it back because he lost it in a pub­lic place.

I am pret­ty frus­trat­ed that day, because of some unfore­seen events, I did not scold him. I know its not his fault or some­thing, just some care­less­ness, and one should not be blamed for being careless.

It has been quite some time since we see each oth­er. Main­ly because of the restrain that his par­ents put on him.

Yes­ter­day, my boy friend called me telling me that his moth­er broke his pig­gy bank that his friends got for him for his birth­day, and that was for sil­ly lit­tle things. Could not wake up on time for school. I mean what the fuck, don’t we all over­slept sometimes?

My boy friend made some­thing for me, keep­ing it a secret. It was a sweater. When he went home yes­ter­day, he found a torn sweater, and the bro­ken pig­gy bank is not even being cleared up.

I some­how feel respon­si­ble for this, for every­thing, should I just leave my boy friend, or should I con­tin­ue be with him? I can’t fuck­ing think!

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