Have you been effected by the sudden fuel price surge? Were you caught in that havoc and massive traffic jam at least 1 KM vicinity of a petrol kiosk? Did it took you more than double your traveling time to get back to your home after work that faithful evening? Did you queue up to get the last drop of fuel at the price of RM 1.92 ? Have you been living in your own world dreaming your own dreams?
Could these all be just a dream? To my dismay it wasn’t. Ever since the fuel hike and the havoc that the old man had caused the country, I have been almost living in denial; that the fuel price will come down again, and the old man’s ass would be on fire. I was disappointed.
Disappointment has got to come to an end sometimes; the time when the jalopy needed its fuel. Driving up to the nearby Shell station wasn’t that much of a daunting task, lifting the nozzles that delivers the red colored V‑Power fuel that cost RM3.15 a liter is.
It was my first time fueling up after the price hike, I was watching the RM gauge slowly climbing in relation to the liter gauge. A little tad faster than last time, it felt.
The nozzle flipped, it stopped at around 40 liters, filling the jalopy with 40 liters worth of fuel. Slowly adding in another liter of fuel to fill up the jalopy to the brim is like stabbing your heart with a blunt knife. It hurts to watch the Ringgit gauge raise up way too quickly.
Desperate needs calls for some desperate measures. I have come out with a couple of ways to reduce the effect of the fuel price increase.
First thing first, inter-state traveling has got to stop. Until I figure out a cheaper way to travel without involving this much of fuel, traveling across states are strictly banned. Any sexual encounters or fuck buddies must be within the vicinity of Kuala Lumpur. Petaling Jaya and the rest do not qualify and would deemed fuel wastage.
Even if you can find a fuck buddy or someone that you can express your intimacy, further counter measures needs to be in place to ensure further slash in the fuel hike effects. Condoms, those must not be in place. Daily, thousands of fucks are going on, if half of these fucks involves condoms, that would translate to a lot of rubber. These delicate cock sleeves needs to be manufactured and not just pouring latex on a cock to mold; manufacturing latex is a very delicate process, and it needs to be ISO compliant. Being that, it needs fuel, and lotsa them. Cutting the use of condoms would further cutting down the use of fuel, which translate to prolong fossil fuel depletions. Durex can continue with their range of lubricants, these are good products by itself to start with.
Seeing that condoms are out of place, I would forsee HIV and STDs spread like wild fires. It is good, a good way of ‘removing’ the assholes and dickheads from the face of the earth. In return, we get more space to breath, higher quality guys, and more things to eat. World population would drop and what remains are the people who don’t fuck around. It will come to a time where HIV and STDs no longer exist, and everyone can happily fuck each other without a barrier. Orgasm would fall from the sky, and everyone lives a happy life.
Vaseline is a good lubricant. Seeing that one do not use condoms anymore, penetration can now be smeared with Vaseline. Penetration with Vaseline of course is far more better than Durex; you do not need to re-lubricate because it would hardly dry up no matter how long you tend to take your partner for that ride to heaven.
Of course, the fuel price surge has got its bad side. Bad being that since there is close to non inter-state traveling, you would be fucking the same group of people over and over again depending on how active your sex life is. Me for one, a fuck a day is almost the average, but there are the time where a few fuck a day is the norm. “Change your lifestyle,” urged the desperate ministers.
Every single time there is a price hike, they never fail to tell you these three things. One, our fuel prices are the lowest amongst the region, to make you feel good about being in Malaysia, you enjoy the lowest pay in your respected industry in the region. Secondly, they will tell you how much the government has subsidized for the fuel that you pump into your jalopies, telling you fools that you are already paying for the so called subsidies, why fucking bother if they remove it. Third and lastly, they will tell you that you should change your lifestyle. Simple actually, I see the ministers doing it all the time. Ever wonder if the old man do some shopping in Scottland or something after the recent fuel price hike? I’m sure someone will bump into him, we will just read the papers.
Fuel prices, who are you fucking today?