Archive | Relationships

That Feeling

You know that feel­ing when you liked some­one? That tin­gling sen­sa­tion that you often hear in movie dialogs but don’t quite know what it is?

It was this guy that I got to know back in the days. We can’t say we know each oth­er, but he has heard of me, and like­wise I have heard of him.

He mes­saged me one day in response to some­thing that I have post­ed in a forum. In that mes­sage was his con­tact num­ber. I sent him a text and it was a short exchange of mes­sages, noth­ing moved; this was a year ago.

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Holding on

As I sit myself on the plane, doing some­thing out of my rou­tine I was reflect­ing on my goals and achieve­ments that I have done through­out the year.

It was just moments ago before I leave the hotel room to Incheon, that I weigh myself on the scale. I gained anoth­er 5kg of weight. It was noth­ing unusu­al, real­ly.

Come every Decem­ber, it seems to be the month where I gain some weight. Per­haps due to the kin­da depres­sion that I have to go through, or per­haps it was due to the hol­i­day and year end. I would like to think that it was because of the hol­i­day, but deep inside, I know it was because I miss The Boy.

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Happy Birthday, 2011

I do not know when, but when I last sent The Boy a one-sided short text mes­sage, I did not receive a deliv­ery report. No replies, no deliv­ery report, noth­ing. This was back in 2010.

A few days back, as I was brows­ing on my What­sapp, I saw a famil­iar num­ber that was on What­sapp. It was The Boy’s num­ber; I have kept his num­ber till date, not want­i­ng to remove it from my address book, not want­i­ng to remove him.

Iron­ic, I am still not able to get him on Face­book, he has just van­ished.

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What have we become?

Did I real­ly try to make every­one hap­py, that I have total­ly for­got­ten about myself? Why is it every time when I need­ed to talk to some­body, no one seem to be avail­able to talk to me?

I should be the kin­da per­son that when I press a but­ton on my phone, there should be some­one that I could talk to, eas­i­ly. Instead when I scroll through my address book, all I can find are the num­bers of my fuck bud­dies, sex part­ners, one night stands and no one else. Has my life ‘evolved’ so much that sex is only what I need, and not love any­more?

To think, the ses­sion was pret­ty fan­tas­tic just now, but like an orgasm, it was great and then it died off.

We just fucked, but in actu­al fact I need­ed some­one to talk to, some­one where I could relate.

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