So yesterday Matt messaged me for dinner, and I did not saw his message on time, and only replied to him 2 hours later.
He wasn’t happy of course, and in the spruce of the moment, I let it out at him. “How many times have we made love? You cannot even reply to me when I say ‘I love you’, so I would imagine when we last made love”.
The fact is, it has been quite a while since we last had sex. Usually when we were together, he would sleep only in his underwear. Now, he sleeps fully clothed.
It was after a few times of foreplay only nights before Matt allowed me to fuck him. He still refuse to suck me, but I guess I have to live with it.
<–more–!> I found Hushky on Grindr. One of the rare finds, I supposed.
Both of us met. Fucked, and I really liked the way he sucked.
“Hey, haven heard much from you. How have you been?”, I said.
“We need to meet up again, been a while since I breed your ass.” Hushkey mentioned that he loved the feeling of being breed by me.
“Lets meet up this coming New Year. I come pick you up on the eve, and we can fuck whole night.” I said.
Hushky wanted to use ice. He asked if I knew what popper was, and he wanted to have that when I fuck him. He was delighted when I told him I knew what it was, and that I have bought a few bottles.
Unable to source for a reliable source for the ice, we went to weed instead. I like the feeling of spacing out and getting a blowjob. The feeling is akin of taking ketamine, but less stronger, and doesn’t hit you the same. I generally prefer having marijuana, as it is easier to access compared to the other stuffs. Ice itself, doesn’t give me the kinda high that my other counterpart prefer that. I don’t feel anything special or high. The only effect is I can’t seem to make myself shoot my load.
Its the eve of New Year. Hushky ass was all sore from the nights before. All the fucking and breeding, I sometimes did not even ejaculate because the session was so long; I kinda got tired and bored. He gave my dick a good suck, licking it occationally, preparing it to enter to his now well used hole.
I smear on liberal amounts of KY to his butthole, hoping the next session would be another great one.
Don’t get me wrong. I love fucking. I literally don’t care who I fucked. Smelly ones, cute ones, dirty ones. I think I have mostly met all of them. As much as they are not visually appealing to me, my dick doesn’t know that. Like they say, hide the face, fire the base. Right?
It is the first time I deleted my ex’s contact. It is the first time that I felt like I needed to burn that bridge with Matt. Few weeks back, I unfollowed him, unfriended him, unsaved his contacts, etc. Few weeks back, I refuse to message him and then it give way. I messaged him somehow.
I don’t know what I want. On one end, I liked to have him around, to chat or whatever, on the other hand, I hate it when he asks me to pay for something, or telling me that this is nice and all. He doesn’t does it often, but everytime when he does, I felt extremely disgusted.
It has been far too many times he wanted one of my watch. I guess, if it was Ashton, I would have given it to him. Why can’t I do the same with Matt? What difference does that make, why treating Ashton doesn’t felt the same as how I treat Matt?
Is it because the lack of sex?
I cannot explain how is it with Hushky. I don’t want to treat him like my boyfriend, but at the same time, I cooked breakfast for him waiting for him to get up from bed.
On one end, I wanted to have dinner at some really expensive place, and the person that I wanted to bring, was Matt.
I am confused. Oh, and Happy New Year.