The prank that went wrong

I tried so hard, I real­ly did.

It was a prank that I have pulled that went seri­ous­ly wrong.

At first, I thought I want­ed to see his reac­tion on how he would see things. Now, I guess I have to change my point of view to a whole new perspective.

I could not sleep last night. Pen­ning my last entry I was already exhaust­ed, per­haps with what has been going on for the past few months, per­haps with what has been going on late­ly. I tried to slot in hints on my Face­book, hints that I was­n’t ready for a long dis­tance rela­tion­ship. I am a ‘clos­et­ed’ per­son. Clos­et­ed not that I am not out, but a rather, I pre­fer to be close to some­one, the be able to hug the per­son, to kiss the per­son, and in return to be loved.

I hug my friends, I some­time kiss­es my friends. Often I am not care­ful when I am doing this, and many would think I am actu­al­ly hit­ting on them. My pref­er­ences of lik­ing anoth­er per­son of the same sex does­n’t make them get com­fort­able with me, some even pre­fer to stay away from me, as far as they can.

Why? I won­der some­times why would I rather ‘choose’ to be a gay boy than choos­ing to be a straight and live a ‘nor­mal’ life. What actu­al­ly deter­mine that being straight is actu­al­ly nor­mal, and being gay isn’t? Peo­ple keep on telling me that being gay is just a choice, being gay is just a per­son being dis­obe­di­ent towards God, but really?

Peo­ple get envi­ous of me, they start to call me names. It’s fine real­ly. They start to accuse me of things that I have not done, they start­ed to think I am anoth­er per­son, a ‘fak­er’ because I had done a lot to help that per­son. Why is that that it is so hard to believe?

I went to the Tsuk­i­ji Fish Mar­ket, in the futile attempt to exhaust myself so that I could rest, and pre­pare the flight to Sin­ga­pore. I failed, miserably.

Look­ing at the tuna’s, the salmon and the fish­es reminds me of the boy. Do not even try to ask me how or why, but if I had the guts to, I would have break down and cry right smack cen­ter of the fish market.

The hus­sle and bus­sle of the fish mar­ket throw me into deep­er thoughts. In the midst of the fish­er­men, the midst of the trad­er, there stand a boy, three thou­sand miles away from home.

For what?

Just because he had want­ed a chance to be alone, to try that feel­ing of being lone­ly, to get away and for­get that selec­tive mem­o­ry, and hope­ful­ly keep the good ones intact.

Again, it failed miserably.

Ask­ing myself, WHY did God had cre­at­ed human, and yet putting them into rela­tion­ship stress like this. Would it not be a won­der­ful world if the humans have a man­u­al for relationships?

I start­ed to think again by myself, how should I be sur­viv­ing the rest of my life. Should all these be just a tem­po­rary hin­drance? Just an obsta­cle in life?

Dai­jobu desu ka? Dai­jobu desu ka? Are you okay?”

The voice of a young Japan­ese boy awak­en me from my thoughts. I must have been stand­ing there for a very long time judg­ing from the less­er about of peo­ple walk­ing past me.

Dai­jobu desu ka?”

The boy asked me again.

Dai­jobu, domo”

I replied.

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5 Responses to The prank that went wrong

  1. cyrus April 28, 2009 at 7:45 pm #

    when human like us go through good n bad things…our mind will full of “thoughts”.…we will hv our own stand and all the his­to­ry may make ppl stand stronger and stronger but some may just fall down and dun wan to stand up anymore…i guess you are in the brave cat­e­go­ry who will stand up and shout to the world that you are OKAY!!!


  2. Rexdon April 28, 2009 at 11:08 pm #

    hihi,i am rexdon.…

  3. cyrus April 29, 2009 at 6:46 pm #

    hihi.. im cyrus.… wkakakaka…^^

  4. T.C.C.F May 3, 2009 at 8:27 am #

    Life is full of obsta­cles, so r rela­tion­ships. We as humans must embrace it and if that rela­tion­ship is meant to be then every­thing will fall into place, FATE plays a major role

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