To put it simply, or shall I say it in a nicer way; You had it coming.
The signs are quite obvious. He had been trying so hard to avoid you. You just merely gave him the chance to. Think about it, had you not ignored him in the first place, would this be happening?
Perhaps that deleted message was his way of reaching out to you, and same like you, after pressing the send key, he would be thinking, why should I still. You had it coming.
Perhaps he is indeed just using you for leverage, then ask yourself this. Were you the one that allowed it to happen? All you can ask yourself is, why did you allow that to happen? Why did you not try to reconcile when you had the chance to, why did you let go when you should be holding him closer to you.
You think you had done everything right but in his eyes maybe you have done everything wrong that is sufficating him. You may think that you are giving him space, but are you? You had your first try, you had your second. He is also trying to cope with losing you, I am sure. What you have in your mind is not what he is thinking. You should by now know how a person he is. If after close to 5 years of being together you still ask yourself or doubt if he is the good choice for you, then perhaps you can only tell yourself this; You fucked up.
Move on, he is trying too. Yes, I am asking you to give it up, because you had shown that you were the one that had given him up in the first place. No one wants that insecurity, including you.
Take it a chance for you to learn, to learn what not to do in a relationship. Yes, it is heartbreaking. The longer you are holding on to it, the longer you are going to be mending that wound. Patch up what is broken, get over it. Try to.
I know what you are thinking, I would be thinking the exact same thing. Maybe he is just testing the waters, maybe he didn’t want to do what he did. Then again, maybe he is not testing the waters as you may think, maybe he wanted to do what he wanted to do, and now that you have given him the chance, he did it? There are so many maybes, You will not know, you will not go and find out. Give yourself that break that you need. Look at it at another angle, were you truly happy about the relationship? If you were, why are you crying every night then?
Don’t blame him for doing what he did, you can only blame yourself. You pushed him to the corner, you sabotage every chance of working it out because it feels so goddamn uncomfortable. Don’t put that burden on him. You were not happy, so is he.
There is no other better way of saying this. Get over it, wake the fuck up. This is how things is because you had let it happen, this is how it will be.