Game over
So it finally ended with Matt after 556 days of being together. Well, most of the time, we were not. Mainly because of how business was moving, and some other things.
So we met up again on that weekend. I told him I wanted something simple for dinner, and he wanted something more.
Well, long story short, he came over, pack up his things, and left.
Ming Yang, TikTok star
It has been almost 24 hours since the person released the sex tape of Ming Yang, the TikTok star, that cutie boy that got famous almost overnight.
When I first saw the screenshot, I thought to myself it would not be him. I mean, it does look really alike, but just from the screenshot, it is hard to tell. Alas, when I saw the video, it is indeed him.
My heart felt sour, it felt a little more than hurt. I was feeling uneasy. I was trying to calm down and reason to myself; I do not know him. He is cute, totally my type, young, and innocent. He had been involved a lot with social media. He had been in the news quite often. Then his content got a little boring. I don’t remember the last time I saw him on my Instagram Stories, not because I did not want to see his stories (maybe a little, when his posts are about screenshots of something) but work got the better of me.
I saw the first video, of the guy inserting it to him. You can see that he is not comfortable. It has that really weird feeling that he is being trapped, that weird feeling that he was being forced to do something like that, that weird feeling that he was being catfished.
Then I saw the second video, right at the end, he was saying in Chinese “Are you done yet?”
Clearly, the top is just using him.
Then when I saw the third video, did he actually enjoyed it? Was he actually okay with it? Was it just a bad judgment call at that moment of time?
It is weird. Weird why because of all people, I actually felt for this boy. Me, a person who freely distributing my own sex tape, the person who exposes cutie boys because they were too picky. Me, that person who more often than not, tries to blackmail with sex tapes of boys in hope of getting a second fuck.
How can I have such contrast feelings? Clearly, those boys that I put my sex tapes out, I know them. I don’t know this Taiwanese boy, and yet something inside me felt something. It is as though I want to help him do something, its like, I want to borrow my shoulder to him, give him a pat on the head and tell him everything will be alright, everything will be fine.
And then, I do the same to the people I fucked; I exposed them.
What is wrong with me?
Love, Simon
For a long time, I was killing myself to hide that fact. I had all these reasons, it was unfair that only gay people had to come out, I was sick of change, but the truth is, I was just scared.
First, I thought it was just a gay thing but then I realised that no matter what, announcing who you are to the world is pretty terrifying cause what if the world doesn’t like you. So, I did whatever I could to keep my secret.
Wanted to write something here, then right in front of the keyboard, don’t know what to write.
When on the way walking to the keyboard that time, a lot of things running through the mind can’t wait to be written down. Alas.
I think work has been great. Nothing earth-shattering as of yet but hopefully by this time next year, I would have done some changes.
Finally formatted my computer, something that I should have done a long time. Time to upgrade too as this I think is too old. I never believe that hardware could not last more than 10 years. At least until I used a Dell.
My friends would know me well that I am a pretty brand loyal guy. When I find something that I like, I would stick to that brand.
I am back, yes really this time.
And I have lots to update. Keep on following.