Who would have thought would end like that

To put it sim­ply, or shall I say it in a nicer way; You had it coming.

The signs are quite obvi­ous. He had been try­ing so hard to avoid you. You just mere­ly gave him the chance to. Think about it, had you not ignored him in the first place, would this be happening?

Per­haps that delet­ed mes­sage was his way of reach­ing out to you, and same like you, after press­ing the send key, he would be think­ing, why should I still. You had it coming.

Per­haps he is indeed just using you for lever­age, then ask your­self this. Were you the one that allowed it to hap­pen? All you can ask your­self is, why did you allow that to hap­pen? Why did you not try to rec­on­cile when you had the chance to, why did you let go when you should be hold­ing him clos­er to you.

You think you had done every­thing right but in his eyes maybe you have done every­thing wrong that is suf­fi­cat­ing him. You may think that you are giv­ing him space, but are you? You had your first try, you had your sec­ond. He is also try­ing to cope with los­ing you, I am sure. What you have in your mind is not what he is think­ing. You should by now know how a per­son he is. If after close to 5 years of being togeth­er you still ask your­self or doubt if he is the good choice for you, then per­haps you can only tell your­self this; You fucked up.

Move on, he is try­ing too. Yes, I am ask­ing you to give it up, because you had shown that you were the one that had giv­en him up in the first place. No one wants that inse­cu­ri­ty, includ­ing you.

Take it a chance for you to learn, to learn what not to do in a rela­tion­ship. Yes, it is heart­break­ing. The longer you are hold­ing on to it, the longer you are going to be mend­ing that wound. Patch up what is bro­ken, get over it. Try to.

I know what you are think­ing, I would be think­ing the exact same thing. Maybe he is just test­ing the waters, maybe he did­n’t want to do what he did. Then again, maybe he is not test­ing the waters as you may think, maybe he want­ed to do what he want­ed to do, and now that you have giv­en him the chance, he did it? There are so many maybes, You will not know, you will not go and find out. Give your­self that break that you need. Look at it at anoth­er angle, were you tru­ly hap­py about the rela­tion­ship? If you were, why are you cry­ing every night then?

Don’t blame him for doing what he did, you can only blame your­self. You pushed him to the cor­ner, you sab­o­tage every chance of work­ing it out because it feels so god­damn uncom­fort­able. Don’t put that bur­den on him. You were not hap­py, so is he.

There is no oth­er bet­ter way of say­ing this. Get over it, wake the fuck up. This is how things is because you had let it hap­pen, this is how it will be.

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Dog­gy style in bed

Sport­ing a slen­der body I met Abel down­stairs of the place that he was staying.

Abel is an Inter­na­tion­al stu­dent from China.

With the cur­rent pan­dem­ic that is hap­pen­ing, I thought it would only be appro­pri­ate to write about my encoun­ters with this one Chi­nese boy that I grew a lit­tle fond of.

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Another Virgin

At this point, I am just going to write my mind off.

It will be ran­dom as fuck.

Like, exam­ple. I was telling myself, that I should be writ­ing some­thing, you know, like still try­ing to be some famous sex blog­ger or some sort. Then, lazi­ness sets in, and week after week, I have not writ­ten some­thing. How to be a famous blog­ger like that?

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Well Played

Well Played

So yes­ter­day Matt mes­saged me for din­ner, and I did not saw his mes­sage on time, and only replied to him 2 hours later.

He was­n’t hap­py of course, and in the spruce of the moment, I let it out at him. “How many times have we made love? You can­not even reply to me when I say ‘I love you’, so I would imag­ine when we last made love”.

The fact is, it has been quite a while since we last had sex. Usu­al­ly when we were togeth­er, he would sleep only in his under­wear. Now, he sleeps ful­ly clothed.

It was after a few times of fore­play only nights before Matt allowed me to fuck him. He still refuse to suck me, but I guess I have to live with it.

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