Another Virgin

Just in bed

At this point, I am just going to write my mind off.

It will be ran­dom as fuck.

Like, exam­ple. I was telling myself, that I should be writ­ing some­thing, you know, like still try­ing to be some famous sex blog­ger or some sort. Then, lazi­ness sets in, and week after week, I have not writ­ten some­thing. How to be a famous blog­ger like that?

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Well Played

Well Played

So yes­ter­day Matt mes­saged me for din­ner, and I did not saw his mes­sage on time, and only replied to him 2 hours lat­er.

He was­n’t hap­py of course, and in the spruce of the moment, I let it out at him. “How many times have we made love? You can­not even reply to me when I say ‘I love you’, so I would imag­ine when we last made love”.

The fact is, it has been quite a while since we last had sex. Usu­al­ly when we were togeth­er, he would sleep only in his under­wear. Now, he sleeps ful­ly clothed.

It was after a few times of fore­play only nights before Matt allowed me to fuck him. He still refuse to suck me, but I guess I have to live with it.

<–more–!> I found Hushky on Grindr. One of the rare finds, I sup­posed.

Both of us met. Fucked, and I real­ly liked the way he sucked.

Hey, haven heard much from you. How have you been?”, I said.

Very good.”

We need to meet up again, been a while since I breed your ass.” Hushkey men­tioned that he loved the feel­ing of being breed by me.

Lets meet up this com­ing New Year. I come pick you up on the eve, and we can fuck whole night.” I said.

Hushky want­ed to use ice. He asked if I knew what pop­per was, and he want­ed to have that when I fuck him. He was delight­ed when I told him I knew what it was, and that I have bought a few bot­tles.

Unable to source for a reli­able source for the ice, we went to weed instead. I like the feel­ing of spac­ing out and get­ting a blowjob. The feel­ing is akin of tak­ing ket­a­mine, but less stronger, and does­n’t hit you the same. I gen­er­al­ly pre­fer hav­ing mar­i­jua­na, as it is eas­i­er to access com­pared to the oth­er stuffs. Ice itself, does­n’t give me the kin­da high that my oth­er coun­ter­part pre­fer that. I don’t feel any­thing spe­cial or high. The only effect is I can’t seem to make myself shoot my load.

Its the eve of New Year. Hushky ass was all sore from the nights before. All the fuck­ing and breed­ing, I some­times did not even ejac­u­late because the ses­sion was so long; I kin­da got tired and bored. He gave my dick a good suck, lick­ing it occa­tion­al­ly, prepar­ing it to enter to his now well used hole.

I smear on lib­er­al amounts of KY to his but­t­hole, hop­ing the next ses­sion would be anoth­er great one.

Don’t get me wrong. I love fuck­ing. I lit­er­al­ly don’t care who I fucked. Smelly ones, cute ones, dirty ones. I think I have most­ly met all of them. As much as they are not visu­al­ly appeal­ing to me, my dick does­n’t know that. Like they say, hide the face, fire the base. Right?


It is the first time I delet­ed my ex’s con­tact. It is the first time that I felt like I need­ed to burn that bridge with Matt. Few weeks back, I unfol­lowed him, unfriend­ed him, unsaved his con­tacts, etc. Few weeks back, I refuse to mes­sage him and then it give way. I mes­saged him some­how.

I don’t know what I want. On one end, I liked to have him around, to chat or what­ev­er, on the oth­er hand, I hate it when he asks me to pay for some­thing, or telling me that this is nice and all. He does­n’t does it often, but every­time when he does, I felt extreme­ly dis­gust­ed.

It has been far too many times he want­ed one of my watch. I guess, if it was Ash­ton, I would have giv­en it to him. Why can’t I do the same with Matt? What dif­fer­ence does that make, why treat­ing Ash­ton does­n’t felt the same as how I treat Matt?

Is it because the lack of sex?


I can­not explain how is it with Hushky. I don’t want to treat him like my boyfriend, but at the same time, I cooked break­fast for him wait­ing for him to get up from bed.

On one end, I want­ed to have din­ner at some real­ly expen­sive place, and the per­son that I want­ed to bring, was Matt.

I am con­fused. Oh, and Hap­py New Year.

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Its the end

Game over

So it final­ly end­ed with Matt after 556 days of being togeth­er. Well, most of the time, we were not. Main­ly because of how busi­ness was mov­ing, and some oth­er things.

So we met up again on that week­end. I told him I want­ed some­thing sim­ple for din­ner, and he want­ed some­thing more.

Well, long sto­ry short, he came over, pack up his things, and left.

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That sex tape out there

Ming Yang, Tik­Tok star

It has been almost 24 hours since the per­son released the sex tape of Ming Yang, the Tik­Tok star, that cutie boy that got famous almost overnight.

When I first saw the screen­shot, I thought to myself it would not be him. I mean, it does look real­ly alike, but just from the screen­shot, it is hard to tell. Alas, when I saw the video, it is indeed him.

My heart felt sour, it felt a lit­tle more than hurt. I was feel­ing uneasy. I was try­ing to calm down and rea­son to myself; I do not know him. He is cute, total­ly my type, young, and inno­cent. He had been involved a lot with social media. He had been in the news quite often. Then his con­tent got a lit­tle bor­ing. I don’t remem­ber the last time I saw him on my Insta­gram Sto­ries, not because I did not want to see his sto­ries (maybe a lit­tle, when his posts are about screen­shots of some­thing) but work got the bet­ter of me.

I saw the first video, of the guy insert­ing it to him. You can see that he is not com­fort­able. It has that real­ly weird feel­ing that he is being trapped, that weird feel­ing that he was being forced to do some­thing like that, that weird feel­ing that he was being cat­fished.

Then I saw the sec­ond video, right at the end, he was say­ing in Chi­nese “Are you done yet?”

Clear­ly, the top is just using him.

Then when I saw the third video, did he actu­al­ly enjoyed it? Was he actu­al­ly okay with it? Was it just a bad judg­ment call at that moment of time?

It is weird. Weird why because of all peo­ple, I actu­al­ly felt for this boy. Me, a per­son who freely dis­trib­ut­ing my own sex tape, the per­son who expos­es cutie boys because they were too picky. Me, that per­son who more often than not, tries to black­mail with sex tapes of boys in hope of get­ting a sec­ond fuck.

How can I have such con­trast feel­ings? Clear­ly, those boys that I put my sex tapes out, I know them. I don’t know this Tai­wanese boy, and yet some­thing inside me felt some­thing. It is as though I want to help him do some­thing, its like, I want to bor­row my shoul­der to him, give him a pat on the head and tell him every­thing will be alright, every­thing will be fine.

And then, I do the same to the peo­ple I fucked; I exposed them.

What is wrong with me?

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Coming Out

Love, Simon

For a long time, I was killing myself to hide that fact. I had all these rea­sons, it was unfair that only gay peo­ple had to come out, I was sick of change, but the truth is, I was just scared.

First, I thought it was just a gay thing but then I realised that no mat­ter what, announc­ing who you are to the world is pret­ty ter­ri­fy­ing cause what if the world does­n’t like you. So, I did what­ev­er I could to keep my secret.

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