My boy friend said sometimes I am very manipulative in my words. The other day, he walked off from me.

I sometimes like to do things spontaneously. Like, on the day when L walked off from me, I actually said I wanted to go to this restaurant to meet up with my friends, and unfortunately my friends were not there.

Back in my head, even if my friends were there, I would not stop and have a drink with them. Perhaps I just wanted …

Then, my friend that I was looking for gave me a call. He said he was going to come over. I guess it was alright. Well, I thought it was alright. L got out from my car, and walked off. I was angry, I was confused, I was dumbfucked.

L had never walked off from me. Never. He would remain quiet for a couple of days but never walked away. I guess there are always the first time.

After supper, I thought while I was drinking my drink, L could pay at the counter for me; since both of us were not comfortable there. Instead, while I was paying, he walked away again; At that time, I wanted to used the men’s room, if I had gone, I could have lost him forever.

In the end I managed to coaxed him to stay, or at least let me take him back. Walking for 25 KM back to his home from where we were is not my idea of spending a night, I think he would think the same too. The event that took place that night made me sleepless the whole night. Yes, I still need to wake up for work.

He said that I am always manipulative with my words. Perhaps it was just some miscommunication thing that I am not really good with. I tried really hard not to hurt his feelings, try really hard to make him happy. I know sometimes I did things that he didn’t like, but it is always for the process of trying to make him happy.

I am confused, I don’t know what to do sometimes. I tried to be funny sometimes, and it was always at the wrong time and L took it wrongly. I told him I am horny, and I would really love to see him. He was tired, so instead of sounding disappointed, I told him I’ll just go have sex with a duck. He took that too seriously.

Tears started flowing when I got that SMS that L sent me saying that he needs a break. We have been through all these twice since we were together. Everytime that happened, I always imagined the unforseen, that we finally break up. Like, not together anymore. Everything I asked him if things are okay again, I feared the worst would happen. I am just a sucker for love, I guess.

This time, he had ask for a couple of weeks of no contacts. Just a couple of weeks, he said. I am afraid that I might break in peices. I cannot even handle the two times even though it was just for days. I don’t know if I can even handle this.

Someone help me please, I think I need alcohol

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