David is a shy but daring boy. He loves getting loved, and loves loitering in shopping complex. He called me and asked if I was free to bring him around.

We wanted to get ourself to Pavilion, but did not quite make it thanks to the glooming rain, and the forever havoc traffic. It was almost impossible to get to Pavilion.

We took a big U-turn and tried to head our way back to Pavilion. Instead, I took the wrong turn, and ended up on Federal Highway. With no choice to be made, we head over to Ikea for that lunch that both of us were craving for.

I took the Ikea meatballs, one of my all time favorite dish in Ikea Cafe.

David ordered the Chicken dish, I forgot to take picture of that so I post a Salmon dish that I had with the boy last time. HEHEH.

We both endulged ourself with Daim Cake, and the new Cheese Cake. It has been quite some time that I have not been to Ikea for food. I guess, ever since I have broke up with the boy, and the place brings back the memories.

David wanted to try out some pants. We walked over to The Curve to check out what they have to offer. I must admit, that looking for a pair of short pants is really hard for the waist size of 28!

Giving up, we just walked around, people watching as David put it. The crowd was still okay, with the weekend street bazaar.

Time flies when you are with someone that you really like. It was almost midnight when I sent David back. I guess, we were both tired, but it was a really good outing together. We seems to have found the part where we could understand each other, although I would still prefer to have a English speaking boy friend.

I guess, sometimes one cannot be so picky, no?

Oh, while we were having our lunch, I thought I saw someone familiar. So I dialed his number, and he did not answer. I thought I saw the wrong person. He called back instead. Hello there Medie007. Dating huh ?

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I have been out of the country for a very long time, that I have lost count already. My passport has been abused and harassed numerous times, that I think that abuse might turn into an enjoyment. One do wonder, do the custom’s officers enjoyed spanking the on the visitor’s passports when they embark into the country.

Here I am, in Wellington, New Zealand. I must say, I have met a lot of people from all over the world, From Argentina, to Brazil right up to New Zealand.

I could say that I can’t wait to get back to Malaysia, back to my not so closet self, back to all the hypocritical people, back to all that political bullshits. Yes, I have been following the Perak by-elections, and I can tell you, I think these idiots should just do the world a favor, and bury themselves. The news on The Star’s news site tickled my funny bone. Now, I know it is a strong fashion statement, but do we really get fined for wearing a skirt nowadays? Zang Toi should not be allowed to have outlets in Malaysia, then, if they are going to fine for RM20. What was that for? A fashion statement? Or a show of power? Perhaps, in better words, a show of stupidity and being a closed minded government?

Just when I bought a pair of Jimmy Choo’s 5 inch heels that I thought would be a fucking good fashion statement. Now I am not too sure if I should be walking down to Pavilion, with a pair of heels that the female species are so dying for. Yes, I wore heels.

On a not too recent studies, Mr Yik Koon Teh in a paper wrote that transexuals cannot be explained by social factors. While we all understand that the Muslims enforced the prohibition of transgenders, but why are the rulings enforced to those, who are not Muslims?

In school, we were brain washed by the Malaysian education system that Malaysia is a multiracial country, and that Islam, is the official religion. I believe many still have that in their school books. Alas, ‘leaders’ these days tells us, Malaysia is a Muslim country, and that we, as a Malaysian, should follow what Muslim countries do.

Perhaps that is the main reason why I wanted to leave Malaysia so badly. Not that I feel that the other countries would be better, but a more rather, ‘not so much bullshit’.

I am tired, staring at my Macbook Pro isn’t going to get me sleepy at all. I should rest, a lot if stuffs waiting for me in the morning.

Oh, I do think that Malaysia is the the most closet case of all in terms of sexuality. Come out from the closet already, will you?

Reference: International Journal of Transgenderism (PDF)

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Was it really that bad?

The other night, while I was trying to get to bed, I think of the boy again. I don’t know why, but nowadays it seems like a habit to me. Perhaps my body is getting really used to this by now. I mean, how can it not be?

For the past 9 months I have been trying, trying to get a hold of myself, trying to grip on to something. Nothing.

For the past 9 months, all I could think was, how can I continue to live like this, how could I continue to do anything. I was afraid; afraid to get out and have fun, afraid to make new friends because I was scared that I might fall in love again. I was afraid of falling in love.

I thought it would be a good thing, to fall in love again, to be kissing someone, getting kissed back. If only my pillow could hug me back when I hug my pillow, if only that magical moment happens, I would not mind just hugging on to my pillow.

Yes, I was thinking about it, should I just go away in an accident? But I was afraid of pain. What if I wasn’t going fast enough, what if I had to suffer later? What if, I destroyed my face? NO!

I don’t want that. I want to die in an open casket, I want people to see my last look, I want people to miss me, but I am dead, would I still feel that way? I doubt.

I am afraid of dying, and yet, there is this part of me that says I want to be.

I want to be kissed, I want to be loved. I want to be hugged.

That’s all I want.

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Well, I did not do it with any intention; I was merely busy with stuffs back home.

Chinese New Year celebration has been great. It is a time where meeting cousins is never a task, but a sheer pleasure. I mean, who would be burdened to be seeing their cute adorable cousin to grown up to be a handsome and most importantly legal, young man?

If it wasn’t for the comments left by my readers, I could have drifted into a solemn state of mind thinking, and perhaps fantasizing that nice body of my cousin. Young as he is, he is nicely tanned with nice broad shoulders. Upon that covered cloth, is a nicely proportioned 6 pack of muscular with a slight hint of baby fat still underneath it.

His face is still protected, no freckles, no zits. Still as smooth as a baby’s buttock.

Seeing him grown for the past years has been a pleasure. I always had imagined him to grown up a handsome young lad, but I should have let my imagination run wilder as the result of the ‘imagination’ were way beyond imagination.

Aunt loves pampering us with her love. She shower us whenever she has got the chance to. Scrubbing our back where our little hands could not reach.

Things are the same with cousin, only a couple years back, cousin refused to let her bath him as he slowly grow into puberty. I guess we all know what it meant.

I guess I get drifted away too easily. This post was about me being missing from the blog, not about my cousin. Perhaps in another post.

So, Chinese New Year is great. We get to get together, burning fire crackers and scare the shit out of the neighbor’s dogs and stuffs like that. Food was abundant but sadly and surprisingly, I did not gain any weight this year. A good thing, of course seeing that I am slowly losing out on my six pack due to excessive body fat.

Then again, that was just Chinese New Year? What about the other days that I was not posting anything?

Maybe I was just lazy. Tee Hee!

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