Cedric Ang

I guess me and David got even closer after that day of meeting him.

David is a shy but daring boy. He loves getting loved, and loves loitering in shopping complex. He called me and asked if I was free to bring him around.

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I am here now, lying down on the firm and comfortable hotel bed, exhausted and yet ‘enjoyful’ typing this entry of the blog post.

I have been out of the country for a very long time, that I have lost count already. My passport has been abused and harassed numerous times, that I think that abuse might turn into an enjoyment. One do wonder, do the custom’s officers enjoyed spanking the on the visitor’s passports when they embark into the country.

Here I am, in Wellington, New Zealand. I must say, I have met a lot of people from all over the world, From Argentina, to Brazil right up to New Zealand.

I could say that I can’t wait to get back to Malaysia, back to my not so closet self, back to all the hypocritical people, back to all that political bullshits. Yes, I have been following the Perak by-elections, and I can tell you, I think these idiots should just do the world a favor, and bury themselves. (continue reading…)

Was it really that bad?

The other night, while I was trying to get to bed, I think of the boy again. I don’t know why, but nowadays it seems like a habit to me. Perhaps my body is getting really used to this by now. I mean, how can it not be?

For the past 9 months I have been trying, trying to get a hold of myself, trying to grip on to something. Nothing.

For the past 9 months, all I could think was, how can I continue to live like this, how could I continue to do anything. I was afraid; afraid to get out and have fun, afraid to make new friends because I was scared that I might fall in love again. I was afraid of falling in love.

I thought it would be a good thing, to fall in love again, to be kissing someone, getting kissed back. If only my pillow could hug me back when I hug my pillow, if only that magical moment happens, I would not mind just hugging on to my pillow.

Yes, I was thinking about it, should I just go away in an accident? But I was afraid of pain. What if I wasn’t going fast enough, what if I had to suffer later? What if, I destroyed my face? NO!

I don’t want that. I want to die in an open casket, I want people to see my last look, I want people to miss me, but I am dead, would I still feel that way? I doubt.

I am afraid of dying, and yet, there is this part of me that says I want to be.

I want to be kissed, I want to be loved. I want to be hugged.

That’s all I want.

It seems like people noticed that when I have stopped blogging for a while there.

Well, I did not do it with any intention; I was merely busy with stuffs back home.

Chinese New Year celebration has been great. It is a time where meeting cousins is never a task, but a sheer pleasure. I mean, who would be burdened to be seeing their cute adorable cousin to grown up to be a handsome and most importantly legal, young man?

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