Skating rink, I love them, I hate them.

It was one of those days when I was at Pyramid Ice. I captured this picture with my iPhone, and thought the guy was pretty good looking.

I don’t know, but I have been always in the liking for someone that is younger than me. My friends say that I like them you, I guess.

I had always loved the skating rink. It was my second time on the rink, I think. It looked so easy when you see people young and old gliding on the ice gracefully. My first time, it was slippery, nevermind that. The grooves that those people make on the ice, felt right to my legs. Why can’t people build softer skating shoes? Perhaps that way, I don’t feel the grooves on the ice?

It was a weird feeling, a feeling that I did not remember from my first time skating at Pyramid Ice.

I still remember the first time, after so many times of persuading that the boy need to do, that I went over to the rink, with him and another friend. The boy gave the excuse that we can finally hold hands in public, which is a very much given excuse, ever since my fondness of public display of affection.

After that much persuasion I finally gave in, and with another friend, we went to the skating rink.

The stinky shoes, the chill from the ice, the soggy gloves.

I finally did it. I was on the ice. The boy hold me by my hand, slowly dragging me. I tried to slide on the ice myself, and to no avail, I felt like my world been shaking too much, I can’t stand still on my feet.

There it was, the fall. Right smack center of that 2 butt cheeks. I felt the ice cracking until the skin of my pants, I really did.

I sat there on the ice, unspoken. Still traumatized from the fall. The fear that I feared the most.

It was those feeling where you wanted to shout out loud, but there’s something that is blocking your vocal cords. It was the same feeling that I had last time, when I fell down from the bicycle on the way to school.

I do admire people that can skate very well. I admire that they do not have the phobia of falling down like I did. I know damn well that, without this falling sensation, I too can be very good at it. I love the carefree movements, I love the speed and I love the sensation of wind rubbing against the hair.

Of course, the boy picked me up after that. He was worried. He kept on asking me if I was alright, but I can’t answer him. Just kept on nodding to him, and he then took me the the bench.

He hold me tight, worried about what had happened. I can see it from his eyes that he had regret dragging me to the skating rink despite my protest. I wish I could tell him it was alright, and that I do not blame him.

We hugged, for once at the bench at the skating rink compound, in the public eyes, we hugged.

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It was quite a scary thought, the thought of seeing the boy in La Queen.

The story goes like this.

For the past week, I had not had much success with talking to the boy. On that Saturday, after our outing and shopping spree, we went to a fast food restaurant for supper. The boy needed to use the gents, and there he went.

I waited for a while, and he still had not appear, so I went and look for a seat, and then I took out my camera, and review the pictures that we took that day. It was a very happy day for both of us, at least I think it is. We had a great time with each other’s company.

I saw the boy leaving the gents, I thought of keeping quiet, and see what were his reactions.

The boy was wandering all around the place, but he had failed to look inside near the gents where there are some tables there. From the glass mirror, I can see his worried face, I wanted to just cut the game, and go to him, but in the mean time, I wanted to see what were his reactions.

A couple of minutes later, the boy finally spotted me. He looked worried sick, and at that moment, looking at him, my heart sank.

We queue up to get our supper, the boy did not talk for the whole period of time. He was angry at me.

Our supper had to cut short when the boy complained about a bad tummy ache. Perhaps it was because of the lack of food.

I sent him home after that, I told him to try to sleep. It feels better.

Sigh ..

A few days passed, and the boy had not reply to my messages. He was really upset about what I did.

When he finally replied, he told me that he sometimes curled up on the bed in tears because I have hurt him so much. He said that what I did on Saturday make him feel really insecure.

I agree.

When the boy don’t talk to me, I felt insecure as well.

I was afraid, I was afraid that something like the last time might happen again. No calls, no messages, and the next thing you know, he is seeing someone else.

That is why I was so afraid to go to La Queen, I do not want to bump into him …

Am I over thinking ?

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