Cedric Ang

The gloomy weather is making me feeling depressed. Suddenly, it felt as if I am lost, in a wide open space. Everything just speeds on so fast, things beside us changed too rapidly that we can’t cope with the speed.

So many things needs to be answered. Uncertainties, confusion and what not.

When you are so used to having someone by your side and you become comfortable, out of the sudden you let down your deterrent but when you begin to believe in the most amazing things that could happen to you. It simply wears off when you realized you have just been idealistic and unrealistic.

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In life, there are just so many if’s and we just can’t answer to all of them.

As much as I do not understand how did L got together with the other guy, I could not understand it when the first time I met with L either. It was too random, too fast and too quick.

There are certain little things that one must be able to see, the small little things.

If I had only left the iPod with L, if I had only give him more attention instead of asking him questions and questions, if I had only control my temper, if I had only send him gentle words instead of harsh words when he’s hurt, if I had only …

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I had a long chat on MSN with a close friend, and I think I know what the problems is.

You see, after that whole episods of me puking my guts out in my own room, I think I am suffering from depression and needs medical help. I mean, this is not normal, being suicidal is not normal. Besides having to clean my room full of puke, and blood, I guess I am okay.

Someone says that I sound very possessive. I wasn’t really. I was trying to protect L, I tried too hard. I was worried.

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