John, were sitting beside me when we were at the orientation hall. While I was chatting on MSN, I saw from the corner of my eyes that John was peeping.

Well, without bad intention actually; he was curious how did I signed on to MSN, while the varsity’s firewall had blocked almost three quarter of the World Wide Web.

It almost the perfect excuse to know each other. Well at least it wasn’t the usual “Hi I am John, nice to meet you” silent type of conversation.

John was pretty impressed of the pictures that I have taken around the varsity. John was looking at the pictures that I had taken, and he whispered to me. “You are using a Nikon, aren’t you? I can see it from the colors of you pictures.”

It was that that got us bitching about how Canon could not represents the colors properly, and such and how Nikon stands on more in terms of colors representation. It was that this little thing that got us closer, and talking like we have known each other for ages.

John was the talkative one, and without me realizing it, I started chatting with him quite openly as well.

We spend our lunch time at the varsity’s cafeteria, and then we went over to central park. Time flies when you are spending it together, and it was evening when we realized it. When we went back to the varsity to grab our stuffs, the view of the sunset is so nice that I could not resist to take a picture of it.

I invited John over to my place, and I cooked him a meal while he was looking at pictures that I had on my Adobe Lightroom. He liked a lot of them, and asked me to teach him how to take those pictures. We sip on our wine on my balcony, and starting chatting again.

Munching on the fresh cherries that I bought, we talked about our live stories. John was born in Ipoh back in Malaysia, and has been staying in Singapore since. It was quite an interesting story of himself. We had fun feeding each other of course, with the occasion glance stealing. It was fun, and the conversation was good. Couple with the wine, just make the whole thing much more easier.

As the weather got cold, we went back in to the loft. I set up the fireplace, and we had a game of chess. I am not sure if John was really that bad player, or he just want to let the younger boy win. I had won so many times that if we had bet to take off a piece of clothing for every game he lose, I would have stripped him past 5 minutes of each game.

John saw my guitar lying around near to my bed. Yes, besides taking pictures, I pay the guitar as well. John was playing a few of my favorite tunes. His singing along with the guitar was fantastic, I swear that I paid my attention to his voice and his beautiful face. it got late that night, we put everything aside. It was too late for John to go back to Brooklyn as well, I could have sent him back, but I suggested that he could stay over for the night.

Sporting with a white brief boxer, John tug himself in beside me on the bed. It was fairly cold that night (I purposely turned down the heater) and I hugged John.

The night ended quite well, but I will save the details for later. Till then.

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David is a shy but daring boy. He loves getting loved, and loves loitering in shopping complex. He called me and asked if I was free to bring him around.

We wanted to get ourself to Pavilion, but did not quite make it thanks to the glooming rain, and the forever havoc traffic. It was almost impossible to get to Pavilion.

We took a big U-turn and tried to head our way back to Pavilion. Instead, I took the wrong turn, and ended up on Federal Highway. With no choice to be made, we head over to Ikea for that lunch that both of us were craving for.

I took the Ikea meatballs, one of my all time favorite dish in Ikea Cafe.

David ordered the Chicken dish, I forgot to take picture of that so I post a Salmon dish that I had with the boy last time. HEHEH.

We both endulged ourself with Daim Cake, and the new Cheese Cake. It has been quite some time that I have not been to Ikea for food. I guess, ever since I have broke up with the boy, and the place brings back the memories.

David wanted to try out some pants. We walked over to The Curve to check out what they have to offer. I must admit, that looking for a pair of short pants is really hard for the waist size of 28!

Giving up, we just walked around, people watching as David put it. The crowd was still okay, with the weekend street bazaar.

Time flies when you are with someone that you really like. It was almost midnight when I sent David back. I guess, we were both tired, but it was a really good outing together. We seems to have found the part where we could understand each other, although I would still prefer to have a English speaking boy friend.

I guess, sometimes one cannot be so picky, no?

Oh, while we were having our lunch, I thought I saw someone familiar. So I dialed his number, and he did not answer. I thought I saw the wrong person. He called back instead. Hello there Medie007. Dating huh ?

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That was what he told me when I first showed him the boy’s picture over the Internet. I had slowly gotten over the whole break-up thing, but I wasn’t still sure that I have put the boy aside, and continue with what is going on what is in front of me.

I supposed I cannot forget the fact that I can easily fall in love, even back in my heart, I still think about the boy, all the time.

It was a guy that I have known for a very long time, residing in the state of Johore. We had not spoken for a very long time, until some form of incident that bought us together. We got pretty close chatting online recently and had decided to meet up.

“Hey, lets go for a movie or something, we can go after school, if that is alright with you. How about Time Square, it’s convenient for both of us, right?”

Indeed, we met up that day, and my heart melted looking at the charming boy standing in front of me. It was that time that David sent him a sms, saying that he would be coming over to KL. David, the name reminds me of something, someone that I had really adore and cared for back in the days. David oh David.

Harry gave David my mobile so that David could contact me to arrange a meet up when he gets to KL.

Harry came over to my house that day.

“Hey, your ex seriously looks like David. Seriously!”

Harry was commenting about the pictures that I had sitting on my desk, the pictures that I always stared at mesmerized about the boy; the pictures that I often look at, and then say hi to Mr Tears. The pictures that will always remind me of the sweet memories between me and the boy, our love, our passion, and hatred.

At some point of time, I fell in love with David already. Without looking at his pictures, without knowing much about him.

At the same time, I felt disgusted.

The mixed feelings were actually in fact that David is a sexually deprived person. Now, perhaps that wasn’t a bad thing for me, because as horny as a boy can be, the better for the relationship because sex is going to be abundant and if not, fulfilling. I wasn’t sure but I guess I wasn’t ready to accept the fact that David might have been ‘fucking’ around, I mean, what else can a hormone charged teenager do, in a small town in Johore, if not looking for sex all the time, everywhere?

Harry told me that he did it with David before. Twice or thrice, but that wasn’t the point. The point is that David just want it in, with pleasure. I guess, like they say, sex is always fun, and fulfilling if you are going to have it with someone that you like, or cared about. By the way, perhaps it was one of the times where I fell in love with Harry even more.

Something went wrong in our exchange of text messages. David suddenly told me that he would not want to continue to talk to me. I did in fact told David that I dislike certain things that most gay people do, the ‘height & weight’ interrogation. He got so pissed off perhaps with my bad choice of words, he scolded me, and called me crazy.

There and then, my heart felt like sinking to the depths of Titanic. It hit the ocean floor so hard, waves and waves of tears came attacking that already gloomy night as aftershocks.

I text Harry, I said, never had I felt so in love with someone that I have not met, someone that I might not want to fuck, and someone that is as charming as David.

I don’t know at which point, but Harry asked me to let it go, perhaps try it another time, perhaps never.

My heart still imprisoned in the bottom of the cold dark ocean.

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I would want to blame it on the different time zones, they call it jet lagged. Yes, I have been living on a jet setter’s lifestyle since late November. It was fun, to be able to travel all around, meeting different people before I start myself in Uni in May.

But that is not the point, the point is, I wanted to stay away from my home in Kuala Lumpur. I had wanted to do this for a very long time, trying to see if I could forget the boy. The truth is, I can’t. On the boy’s birthday last year, while I was in Brazil, I gave the boy a call to wish him a happy birthday. I mean, it would only be appropriate if I do that, at least, I thought it that way.

Not only was I wrong about the whole thing, I still ended up crying at night, hugging a pillow, that I was well aware that it would not hug me back.

It was Chinese New Year. I remembered last year’s pretty well. I was in hometown, and could not let myself not missing the boy. We practically texted each other the whole day. I had to run around the house because the house was surrounded by hills, and Maxis coverage wasn’t that great, then I found the perfect spot, the store room.

Sweating and sneezing, I embraced myself, just for the sake of not wanting to miss his text messages. Silly, I know. That’s what we all do for love, no?

Deep inside, back to reality, I thought I could forget him if I leave my room, leave everything behind and move somewhere else. I could not move to Singapore because that was our initial plan. We both continue our studies in Singapore.

Singapore will bring back the memories, I would definitely sure about it. Then, during my vacation, I cried, and cried again, hugging the cold hotel pillows, streak of tears just fall down to my cheek, and to the bed.

I could not help it, they say I was being foolish for falling in love to a person that do not love me. Deep inside, I still believe that there is love, deep inside, I still believe that it was me that had caused the breakup, and it was be that had put our relationship into that fine thin line.

I could have salvage it, I just know I could.

It has been almost 9 months since we break up, and I am still here, hugging my pillow tight, hoping that it was the boy that I was hugging.

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Well, remember that L had started to talk to me about a week ago about his education? Everything went on the good way after that conversation. I was pretty glad actually.

There were a few instances that we did argue about stuffs. L was afraid that I might pull out, because I had threaten to do so, and that is because I wasn’t sure about the whole thing, I had not got that assurance from L that I will have a space in his heart.

Actually, I was scared that I will be ‘used’ in a way that I don’t want it to be. I was really afraid and I did not know what should I do. A promise is still a promise but I can say that I wasn’t hoping that something will be exchanged out of it, but rather, hoping for something to happen.

On the day, we chatted a few. Things got a little hot, and L decided that he would not mind if we get a little intimate together.

Things went on, I went to his place to pick him up. It was a bit awkward for me because in this case, I am making him not loyal to his boy friend. As far as I am concern, he is still with the boy friend, and I am still the number 3.

Things are a little different this time. L wanted me to do something different, and it was different. More than what we normally do. I dully comply. Who should I be saying no?

No doubt we had fun.

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