I used to buy a lot of condoms.

No, I do not use them. Well, maybe once or twice, but very seldom.

Condoms to me are never a mix. I dislike the smell, I dislike the ‘action’ of having to take off the condom after a good fuck. Most people would want to just rest after a good 3 hours of bedding session, I would appreciate that too.

Of late, I have been watching way too many series that somewhat has the element of HIV/AIDS. It all started when I was going through the HIV test with the boy. My results was okay, but the counseling was the one that killed me that day.

I am wondering, why the sudden surge of HIV related lines or scripts in the movies nowadays. Perhaps it was the choice of series that I am watching? For Queer As Folk, I could understand, it is a homosexual related drama series; Having HIV/AIDS lines in the script is pretty normal (and it still freaks me out). Nip/Tuck on the other hand, shows more on plastic surgery, the boobs and the occasionally gay acts. Perhaps that is how HIV/AIDS come in view, because of the generous sex scenes?

Speaking of which, I think I am going to be addicted to plastic surgery.

Damn I hate these series sometimes.

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HIV and AIDS has been in the world for almost 2 decades, coming to three. Yet, many people are still unaware, or just plain ignorant.

A boy once told me, HIV virus was formed when there by two individual’s sperm mixed together. That is how HIV exist, and not the mutation of other harmless virus.

HIV, it is a very important keyword in the GLTB world, and yet it is also a taboo subject. When I watch Queer as Folk to pass on time, HIV has been mention so many times, that it freaks me out.

One thing for sure, is that like in the series, many people thinks that HIV equals to AIDS, it is not.

The only safe sex to have is not to have sex at all, not even that urge to suck a nice 6 inch cock. No, never.

Why not? Condom will eventually fail. Ultra thin Durex condoms are not meant for the rougher anal passage. Moreover, some ultra thin Durex users often combine their sexual fantasies with poppers, which makes their sessions last longer.

What if the condom breaks? Will that matter? It is almost as you are not using one.

Are you wearing the right sized condoms? Too tight will tear the condom apart, too loose and it will slip off. God did not make our cocks the same size, neither did Durex made their condoms. So choose wisely.

I remembered one of the sexcapade when I was in my younger days. We used a condom, I fucked him. However, lubricant wasn’t a luxury, and the lubricant that we used, was from the condom itself.

Half way through the session, the condom broke.

I did not know what to do, I continue fucking him and I came. I could see the fear in his eyes, I was still being ignorant that he might transfer some STI to me.

A decade later, I checked out fine. No STD, no HIV, nothing, ziltch.

But that did not stop me from unsafe sex.

The fear of HIV is lurking inside me recently, perhaps due to ‘Queer As Folk’ I am not sure.

Then, yesterday’s nightmare was mind opening. Imagine those leeches that bites on to you, and never let go until they are full. Imagine these leeches are about the size of a python. Imagine each of my testicles were bitten by one of these python sized leeches that would not let it go until they have sucked the cum out of me. Imagine some friend of mine who were so willing to help, they pulled the python together with my sizeable testicles.

Fable Frog said I was sexually deprived.

Perhaps I was.

Should I rubber up this time? Maybe I’ll just make love with my right hand, it’s guaranteed to be safe this way.

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He came online that day. I was online the same time as he was. I was still contemplating if I should tell him or not. I choose to let him know, at least I would want to be responsible for that action. The act that I should have been for a testing before engaging in a relationship with someone as young and adorable and LOVING as my boy friend.

I told him, he said he knew what was it about. I had no idea about the offline message that he had sent me because my MSN was not capable of receiving such. L was being very very supportive. From his words, he seems to be calm, which is a good thing. I guess the biggest obstacle to face now is me, and only myself.

Anyways,

That was easy, I thought.

Perhaps my greatest fear was myself. I could not bear with the results; I do not wish to attend any counseling sessions either. It’s all the same thing, they are just a bunch of audio recordings that tells you not to worry, the future is still bright, the understand how we feel and etc. All these bullshit, I have heard them all.

I keep on telling myself to calm down. Sleeplessness is not going to help with the situation.

I am going to make any appointment with Pink Triangle, then we will see what is next. Wish me luck, I need lots of them. Oh, thank you guys again for the encouraging emails and comments. I really appreciate it a lot.

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It all started earlier today when I message a couple of people in my address book. Just saying hi kind of thing so that people do not forget my existence.

One of them came back, it started off with a casual chat. How has he been doing, how was everything and stuffs.

Then it strikes me.

He told me that he went for a HIV test beginning of the year, and found out to be HIV positive.

Flashes of moment when I had my cock inside him, all raw and without protection run through my mind. I was scared, I tried to dig it out more from him, to find out whether it was me, or someone after me that gave him the death sentence.

I know, I am selfish, and I did that because I am scared, paranoid and generally freaked the daylight out of me.

This guy is someone that I had sex with almost 2 years ago. He was this someone from my neighborhood. He was young at that time, and he wanted to try having sex with someone. That someone appears to be me.

We fucked 3 times. Each without the latex, and each time I have ejaculated into him by request; because he liked the feeling of the squirts inside him.

I thought it would be alright, since it was his first time. I was his first partner that have penetrated him. From the books, everything seems to be fine.

Everything else seems to be unimportant for that few minutes. It wasn’t about me anymore. From that moment, L is what I have in mind. What if I also infected him, should I tell him about the messages that I have got? Should I …

I needed to call someone, I needed to talk to someone to calm down. There was no one else that I can call from my phone book.

Driving home embracing the evening traffic. The thought of me being HIV positive keeps on racing through my braincells. I arrived home still feeling moody and inattentive. Lying down on the bed trying to rest my already exhausted body. I slowly drifted to a light sleep.

It wasn’t enough, because I woke up just slightly after midnight. If it wasn’t because of fatigue, I might not even be sleeping at all.

I recall the moment where I went for a blood donation. In fact, I was happy with it because till date I still had not receive any calls saying that my blood was contaminated with the HIV virus. Well, then I thought, maybe they just throw it away because it was contaminated while cursing at the blood donor for being a fagot.

I have been talking about the HIV test ages ago, I know. I always wanted to go test myself, but till date I have not done any. It wasn’t the test that I was worried about. It was the result. I do not think I can accept the answer if I were to be HIV positive. No one would, I think.

My next worry would be L. I could not care less about myself, but I want L to be okay. I tried calling him for a couple of times, wanting to talk face to face with him. Then I remembered his phone was dead, it went into a coma a couple of days earlier.

Maybe I wasn’t the one that is infected. Maybe it was someone else that had infected him, way after I had first penetrated him. Well, he thinks so too.

Perhaps I need to get my acts together, go for the HIV test and embrace the truth. I still need to somehow tell L, though. Perhaps I should only tell L after my test results came back. I guess this is a better way, than to make the already anxious L worried another thing.

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Well, seriously, how many of you out there have been thinking of this kind of ‘experiment’ before. Having a latex wrapping your dick and then you make love with your lover just doesn’t give you the kind of feeling that you will get if you prefer the otherwise. In a nutshell, you have people reviewing different technologies of a car, different computer chip, different this and different that and yet one for something that has been in the history of man kind for so many years, it was neglected.

In the fast paced modern world, many people just come and go. You do not know their health status, and often you just fail to question them. It comes to the only assurance that a gay guy can have, is a latex in between. Seriously speaking, how effective are these grody smelling thing against the disease that one do not speak of? According to the research done world wide, condoms are deemed highly effective, but even at CDC’s website on the effectiveness of condoms preventing HIV, I could not find any numbers that indicates the success of prevention method. In fact, as quoted by the CDC, the only 100% assurance that one can get is not to have sexual intercourse. Of course, there are also articles out there that states HIV sometimes transmit via oral sex.

What is life without sex?

Well, we know that some form of protection is better than nothing. A lot of people that I know out there, were ‘forced’ to use the latex than to actually enjoying sex with condoms on. In some rare cases, people are thinking of having a cock in their ass is much more nicer than having latex. So why did I decide to make these ‘experiments’?

Well, for the sole purpose of practicing safer sex, and to educate. (Notice I don’t use the word safe sex here?)

Throughout my sex life, I have tried many different kind of condoms. One that that I have not tried is the sheep intestines condoms, which by the way, is not effective in HIV or some STI infections.

My reviews will be based on the actual account of using it, and before any smart alec decided to say anything, no I am not a sex maniac, I am just a lover to a lovable boy whom I have am fond of being together with him. Having sex is just part of a relationship, and I think is equally important in one.

As a benchmark and guide, the condoms will be used by me, and I measured at 5 3/4 inch on a good day with the diameter of 1 3/4 inch. There is a proper way of measuring the penis, but let’s go with the general method first. For the review, I will also be using lubricant from ID Glide which is a water based with Nonoxynol-9 that kills the swimmers. I have used this lubricant for non condom situations, and it performs well. I would prefer the silicon based lubricant which is also condom friendly but unfortunately I have run out of those.

I hope you guys would enjoy the upcoming reviews as much as I have enjoyed making them.

Remember, play safe, it is what keeps us from perishing from earth.

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