Cedric Ang

Sleeplessness, that is what I can use to describe myself.

I would want to blame it on the different time zones, they call it jet lagged. Yes, I have been living on a jet setter’s lifestyle since late November. It was fun, to be able to travel all around, meeting different people before I start myself in Uni in May.

But that is not the point, the point is, I wanted to stay away from my home in Kuala Lumpur. I had wanted to do this for a very long time, trying to see if I could forget the boy. The truth is, I can’t. On the boy’s birthday last year, while I was in Brazil, I gave the boy a call to wish him a happy birthday. I mean, it would only be appropriate if I do that, at least, I thought it that way.

Not only was I wrong about the whole thing, I still ended up crying at night, hugging a pillow, that I was well aware that it would not hug me back.

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I feel damn fucking stupid now. Yes, I am damn fucking stupid. I thought I can pull some strings and thought everything would go well.

No, instead, I have to endure 1 hour of the his torment, not only that, it leads me to more pain now because of that.

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I foolishly violated the trust of someone who was supremely important to me. If I could hit ‘rewind’ and make the decision differently, I would do it in a heartbeat.. But I can’t. Will I ever be able to rebuild the relationship?