I could not sleep. Insomnia has got the best of me. That’s not just it, flashback of our moments with the boy hit me hard again, till I almost kneel down to my knees begging it to stop.

I want to cry it out, loud if I could, but I can’t. Streak of tears just kept on falling because it knows I miss the boy very much.

The more I look at my Facebook, the more unhappy I become. I don’t look at Facebook much nowadays because it kept on reminding me of the fear that I have.

Just this afternoon while I was munching on the green apples that I have cut, I saw a profile adding the boy to his Facebook.

Is this the guy that everyone is talking about? Is this the person that people has been telling me that is fucking with my ex boy friend, my boy? Is this the person that took over my ‘duty’ satisfying the boy? Can he?

Questions and questions starting to appear in my mind.

I am not sure if I can get over it, I mean it has been so darn long that the boy has not contacted me. I on the other hand do not want to disturb him because the boy told me he do not want to hear from me. Perhaps, the boy misses me, perhaps not.

I check on the boy’s blog everyday. Hoping that he would update his blog. It has been vacant since last year, my hope of getting to know the boy’s well being just shattered like that, with barrier after barrier blocking my progress.

I sometimes do wonder, if the boy actually still thinks of me. He did say that he wants to cut off all contacts because he wants to move on. He could not without thinking about me. I was somehow flattered, but thinking it to myself, isn’t it better if we had not choose to breakup?

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David is a shy but daring boy. He loves getting loved, and loves loitering in shopping complex. He called me and asked if I was free to bring him around.

We wanted to get ourself to Pavilion, but did not quite make it thanks to the glooming rain, and the forever havoc traffic. It was almost impossible to get to Pavilion.

We took a big U-turn and tried to head our way back to Pavilion. Instead, I took the wrong turn, and ended up on Federal Highway. With no choice to be made, we head over to Ikea for that lunch that both of us were craving for.

I took the Ikea meatballs, one of my all time favorite dish in Ikea Cafe.

David ordered the Chicken dish, I forgot to take picture of that so I post a Salmon dish that I had with the boy last time. HEHEH.

We both endulged ourself with Daim Cake, and the new Cheese Cake. It has been quite some time that I have not been to Ikea for food. I guess, ever since I have broke up with the boy, and the place brings back the memories.

David wanted to try out some pants. We walked over to The Curve to check out what they have to offer. I must admit, that looking for a pair of short pants is really hard for the waist size of 28!

Giving up, we just walked around, people watching as David put it. The crowd was still okay, with the weekend street bazaar.

Time flies when you are with someone that you really like. It was almost midnight when I sent David back. I guess, we were both tired, but it was a really good outing together. We seems to have found the part where we could understand each other, although I would still prefer to have a English speaking boy friend.

I guess, sometimes one cannot be so picky, no?

Oh, while we were having our lunch, I thought I saw someone familiar. So I dialed his number, and he did not answer. I thought I saw the wrong person. He called back instead. Hello there Medie007. Dating huh ?

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I love cold countries, perhaps that is why I have decided to stop by Alaska during my 5 months long holiday adventure.

From day one when I arrived at Alaska, I enjoyed it all the way until the end of the trip. Dad was nice to have booked a snow sledge with huskies pulling it. The huskies are so beautiful, their eyes are glowing in the hue of blues. For a moment there, I forgot the reason why I have left Malaysia for such a long period, and went for a holiday.

The adventure did not stop there.

I had arranged for a porter to climb with me to one of the glaciers. It is not that I am lazy and living that luxurious life that I would want people to carry my bags for me, but if you were in the glaciers, you really have to be prepared. In fact, I think that I had not bring enough food!

The porter that I had hired was not available last minute when I wanted him. He sent his younger brother instead. I was a little skeptical when the porter came to speak to me. I can’t see his face properly, he was was covered up and only exposing the bright blue eyes of his. He sounds like someone whose age not older than me by a decade. How much experience could a young porter like him has? I was skeptical, indeed.

I pack up a few gears, totally forgot that I would be hiking on ice and show. I naively packed my non-water proved warm weather shoes. After I took the picture, only I realized that it would not work. I switched a pair with sole covers, and water proved pants too.

Armed with a pair of water proof shoes, couple with the shoe spikes, I was ready to walk the icy mountains. Not before I arm the shoes with the spikes to enable us to walk on ice.

While the porter were preparing his gears, I noticed his shoes were covered with screws. I guess, it was great for tractions.

Back to the porter.

I did not realized that he is about the same age as me, not before he started to talk to me. He sounded young, like very young.

It was during one of the pit stop that we had on our rest that he took off the scarfs that was hiding his face. Revealing underneath the scarfs was a pair of shinny blue eyes, and a flawless complexion. Immediately I felt that I have known him for the longest time. His name is Michael.

We rested and build our tent at base camp. It was already noon and it would be suicidal if we continue our journey as there will be no spots for us to build our tent before the night falls.

There wasn’t many group of people at base camp. We build our tent almost by the edge of the spot where we had more privacy than the ‘hot spots’.

The night was extremely cold. It was so cold that I had to put on extra jacket. Middle of the night, Michael turned over and hugged me. I hugged back, and I could feel his body warmth compliment with mine. His breath was blowing towards my face. Under the dim moon light that managed to penetrate over the tent, I could see his moist lips, waiting for me to kiss it. We slept throughout the night without any incident.

It was 5 am. I woke up with my hand on the boy’s crotch. I did not know how it got there, but we were sleeping in the same sleeping bag. I or he must have snuggle in for the warmth.

My watch said it was 6am, but I always manage to mess up my alarm clock. I freaked out because I really thought it was 6 am, checked the other clock, and it says 5 am.

Went out to wash up. Michael had already got up, making coffee and getting ready for the hike.

It was still dark. The snow is 5000 feet right now, in case you are curious.

The base camp seems to came alive again. People are starting to get ready and getting to get to the top.

We pack up and got ready ourself. I helped Michael to break camp, and we started the hike up. We took a different route where Michael claimed that it is more scenic than the others. He did say it was more tougher, which I agree that we can try.

As we walk on the ice and snow, I still can see the stars twinkling high above. It was clear sky, even before the sun peeked through the mountains. We reached one of the scenic spot where I got this picture. It was fantastic, just me and Michael, alone and surrounded by nature.

Throughout the week, me and Michael shared a lot of our life stories. I found out that Michael just broke up with his boy friend, and that I looked a little like him. I told him about mine, and we instantly became good buddies. He would also story about horny Americans asking him to jerk off for them and such, of course, the innocent Michael did not do it. He did hinted to me that he would not mind jerking me off.

One of the nights, where the weather was a little warmer than usual, we strip off our pants, in the tent, and both of us had the best orgasm ever.

Nuff said, here are some pictures.

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Skating rink, I love them, I hate them.

It was one of those days when I was at Pyramid Ice. I captured this picture with my iPhone, and thought the guy was pretty good looking.

I don’t know, but I have been always in the liking for someone that is younger than me. My friends say that I like them you, I guess.

I had always loved the skating rink. It was my second time on the rink, I think. It looked so easy when you see people young and old gliding on the ice gracefully. My first time, it was slippery, nevermind that. The grooves that those people make on the ice, felt right to my legs. Why can’t people build softer skating shoes? Perhaps that way, I don’t feel the grooves on the ice?

It was a weird feeling, a feeling that I did not remember from my first time skating at Pyramid Ice.

I still remember the first time, after so many times of persuading that the boy need to do, that I went over to the rink, with him and another friend. The boy gave the excuse that we can finally hold hands in public, which is a very much given excuse, ever since my fondness of public display of affection.

After that much persuasion I finally gave in, and with another friend, we went to the skating rink.

The stinky shoes, the chill from the ice, the soggy gloves.

I finally did it. I was on the ice. The boy hold me by my hand, slowly dragging me. I tried to slide on the ice myself, and to no avail, I felt like my world been shaking too much, I can’t stand still on my feet.

There it was, the fall. Right smack center of that 2 butt cheeks. I felt the ice cracking until the skin of my pants, I really did.

I sat there on the ice, unspoken. Still traumatized from the fall. The fear that I feared the most.

It was those feeling where you wanted to shout out loud, but there’s something that is blocking your vocal cords. It was the same feeling that I had last time, when I fell down from the bicycle on the way to school.

I do admire people that can skate very well. I admire that they do not have the phobia of falling down like I did. I know damn well that, without this falling sensation, I too can be very good at it. I love the carefree movements, I love the speed and I love the sensation of wind rubbing against the hair.

Of course, the boy picked me up after that. He was worried. He kept on asking me if I was alright, but I can’t answer him. Just kept on nodding to him, and he then took me the the bench.

He hold me tight, worried about what had happened. I can see it from his eyes that he had regret dragging me to the skating rink despite my protest. I wish I could tell him it was alright, and that I do not blame him.

We hugged, for once at the bench at the skating rink compound, in the public eyes, we hugged.

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I used to buy a lot of condoms.

No, I do not use them. Well, maybe once or twice, but very seldom.

Condoms to me are never a mix. I dislike the smell, I dislike the ‘action’ of having to take off the condom after a good fuck. Most people would want to just rest after a good 3 hours of bedding session, I would appreciate that too.

Of late, I have been watching way too many series that somewhat has the element of HIV/AIDS. It all started when I was going through the HIV test with the boy. My results was okay, but the counseling was the one that killed me that day.

I am wondering, why the sudden surge of HIV related lines or scripts in the movies nowadays. Perhaps it was the choice of series that I am watching? For Queer As Folk, I could understand, it is a homosexual related drama series; Having HIV/AIDS lines in the script is pretty normal (and it still freaks me out). Nip/Tuck on the other hand, shows more on plastic surgery, the boobs and the occasionally gay acts. Perhaps that is how HIV/AIDS come in view, because of the generous sex scenes?

Speaking of which, I think I am going to be addicted to plastic surgery.

Damn I hate these series sometimes.

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I would want to blame it on the different time zones, they call it jet lagged. Yes, I have been living on a jet setter’s lifestyle since late November. It was fun, to be able to travel all around, meeting different people before I start myself in Uni in May.

But that is not the point, the point is, I wanted to stay away from my home in Kuala Lumpur. I had wanted to do this for a very long time, trying to see if I could forget the boy. The truth is, I can’t. On the boy’s birthday last year, while I was in Brazil, I gave the boy a call to wish him a happy birthday. I mean, it would only be appropriate if I do that, at least, I thought it that way.

Not only was I wrong about the whole thing, I still ended up crying at night, hugging a pillow, that I was well aware that it would not hug me back.

It was Chinese New Year. I remembered last year’s pretty well. I was in hometown, and could not let myself not missing the boy. We practically texted each other the whole day. I had to run around the house because the house was surrounded by hills, and Maxis coverage wasn’t that great, then I found the perfect spot, the store room.

Sweating and sneezing, I embraced myself, just for the sake of not wanting to miss his text messages. Silly, I know. That’s what we all do for love, no?

Deep inside, back to reality, I thought I could forget him if I leave my room, leave everything behind and move somewhere else. I could not move to Singapore because that was our initial plan. We both continue our studies in Singapore.

Singapore will bring back the memories, I would definitely sure about it. Then, during my vacation, I cried, and cried again, hugging the cold hotel pillows, streak of tears just fall down to my cheek, and to the bed.

I could not help it, they say I was being foolish for falling in love to a person that do not love me. Deep inside, I still believe that there is love, deep inside, I still believe that it was me that had caused the breakup, and it was be that had put our relationship into that fine thin line.

I could have salvage it, I just know I could.

It has been almost 9 months since we break up, and I am still here, hugging my pillow tight, hoping that it was the boy that I was hugging.

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One of the most enjoyable trip with Bong and Melvin is the people watching. Bong refered that as his new hobby.

That’s right, we went to Melaka together, the place there the Dutch get hunted, and the Malays gets fucked and became the Baba and the Nyonya.

We had an agenda, to sight see, and to sight see. That’s right, food wasn’t in the main agenda, but one must eat in order to process the juicy details of the boy that you see on the street, right?

Taking time off from the relationship, I guess I pretty much needed the ‘holiday’. Short and easy trip, but it was fun filled one.

I will let the two gentlemen to talk about the trip. I will concentrate on the boys instead. hur hur hur

So, the morning started without much of a sight. They parked their car at Mahkota Parade and went over to some delirious food court for their brunch. I as sure hungry as hell. I mean, I thought it was a food trip, eat and more eat and eat more.

No, so anyways. Spotted a few cuties. Too bad that 2 were just a burden and if not I would have just went over and try to get some action.

Then I saw this sweet young thing walking past us. I especially like the one in blue.

Then of course, how can we deny the sweet smile of a young boy?

We walked around. Walked a lot. They guys were taking pictures of everything, I was eyeing for any pretty boys in sight.

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