A few days back, as I was browsing on my Whatsapp, I saw a familiar number that was on Whatsapp. It was The Boy’s number; I have kept his number till date, not wanting to remove it from my address book, not wanting to remove him.

Ironic, I am still not able to get him on Facebook, he has just vanished.

I did, rather frequently, dream about him. Variously, about him having his studies, about him being together with me again, but to no avail, I know these are just dreams and will probably will not happen.

To know The Boy so much, and yet to know so little about him is just too tormenting. At times, I still tear myself to sleep, hoping that one day, he would call me.

I know it would probably not happen. I have yet to give up hope.

Happy 21st Birthday, Boy.

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It is ironic so to speak, to have two ex boy friends that shares the same birth date. At least one of the consolation that I have that another ex is younger than the other.

On that faithful night, I sent an SMS to The Boy, not knowing if I should expect that sarcastic reply from him or something more subtle. It is after all, years have past.

No reply.

No delivery report.

Nothing.

The Boy has changed his number.

He … disappeared.

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I could not get myself to do it. The last time I tried, I got a “Anything? I am busy” reply from him and that feeling totally sucks.

I was at Hannah Tan’s concert at The Garden’s ballroom. Alone.

I brought a gift, a gift that I thought would make some boy happy. I registered myself, and pass the staff my gift and proceed to the ballroom where Hannah Tan was going to sing.

It was THE song, the song that made me almost shed my tears; the song from the local group, Innuendo.

Driving home, with my thoughts stuck in my head, more tears starting to flow uncontrollably.

I last saw The Boy sometime in August in a club somewhere in Kuala Lumpur. I think the person that I saw that was with him is his boy friend, but I wasn’t too sure.

Till today, I don’t know why, but I still think of him all the time. Perhaps I still miss him, but something I really do not want to.

I tried to keep myself from messaging him, I tried to not think of him, but every time I do, I failed miserably.

Perhaps I will never forget him. Perhaps every year, I will go back to this state of uncertainty, perhaps …

They say, true love are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget.

Happy birthday, my boy.

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