Cedric Ang

I used to buy a lot of condoms.

No, I do not use them. Well, maybe once or twice, but very seldom.

Condoms to me are never a mix. I dislike the smell, I dislike the ‘action’ of having to take off the condom after a good fuck. Most people would want to just rest after a good 3 hours of bedding session, I would appreciate that too.

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The media calls it the influx of moral decadence, some people calls it God’s act to clean up the world.

HIV and AIDS has been in the world for almost 2 decades, coming to three. Yet, many people are still unaware, or just plain ignorant.

A boy once told me, HIV virus was formed when there by two individual’s sperm mixed together. That is how HIV exist, and not the mutation of other harmless virus.

HIV, it is a very important keyword in the GLTB world, and yet it is also a taboo subject. When I watch Queer as Folk to pass on time, HIV has been mention so many times, that it freaks me out.

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Well, I have finally done it. Due to L’s request previously, and the requirement to get a work permit in Singapore, I went to PT for a HIV Screening.

To those that had sent me your best wishes on IM, and those that asked me the results the moment I signed in, I truly appreciate them. For the friends that called me, friends that had send me emails, I truly love you all.

To a friend that sent me a video that he made, it really made my day. Thanks too!

For those readers that reads my blog, I am still doing okay, and I am fine.

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When I am nervous, I tend to write a lot. Trying to get things off my head as far back as possible. When I think too much, I get excited, anxious and depression then starts to kick in. It is not good for both myself, and the people that is surrounding me; especially Lester.

If you haven notice, I have been starting to call L Lester in the blog. I think it is a good thing since Lester had already acknowledge it. I mean, there are a dozen of people with the name Lester anyways, gay or not *smile*.

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Life is just full of speed bumps and potholes.

Just when you thought everything would be okay, you set out your plans to embrace what is good to come, you then find out that in order to get a work permit in Singapore requires you to have a medical checkup. Which means, a HIV test.

If you have followed my blog early enough, you would have read that I was contemplating into doing the test because I was scared and worried. I wasn’t scared of the process, but more to anxious about the results.

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Things did not went as I would have wanted it to be. Almost immediately after I posted the entry, L messaged in my MSN urging me to go for the test. It was left as an offline message because I wasn’t online at that moment.

He came online that day. I was online the same time as he was. I was still contemplating if I should tell him or not. I choose to let him know, at least I would want to be responsible for that action. The act that I should have been for a testing before engaging in a relationship with someone as young and adorable and LOVING as my boy friend.

I told him, he said he knew what was it about. I had no idea about the offline message that he had sent me because my MSN was not capable of receiving such. L was being very very supportive. From his words, he seems to be calm, which is a good thing. I guess the biggest obstacle to face now is me, and only myself.

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I can’t sleep, and I wish I can.

It all started earlier today when I message a couple of people in my address book. Just saying hi kind of thing so that people do not forget my existence.

One of them came back, it started off with a casual chat. How has he been doing, how was everything and stuffs.

Then it strikes me.

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The thought of trying out different condoms just occurred to me. Yes, for a person that do not believe in the use of latex, I suddenly thought of that.

Well, seriously, how many of you out there have been thinking of this kind of ‘experiment’ before. Having a latex wrapping your dick and then you make love with your lover just doesn’t give you the kind of feeling that you will get if you prefer the otherwise. In a nutshell, you have people reviewing different technologies of a car, different computer chip, different this and different that and yet one for something that has been in the history of man kind for so many years, it was neglected.

In the fast paced modern world, many people just come and go. You do not know their health status, and often you just fail to question them. It comes to the only assurance that a gay guy can have, is a latex in between. Seriously speaking, how effective are these grody smelling thing against the disease that one do not speak of? According to the research done world wide, condoms are deemed highly effective, but even at CDC’s website on the effectiveness of condoms preventing HIV, I could not find any numbers that indicates the success of prevention method. In fact, as quoted by the CDC, the only 100% assurance that one can get is not to have sexual intercourse. Of course, there are also articles out there that states HIV sometimes transmit via oral sex.

What is life without sex?

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