What have we become?

Did I real­ly try to make every­one hap­py, that I have total­ly for­got­ten about myself? Why is it every time when I need­ed to talk to some­body, no one seem to be avail­able to talk to me?

I should be the kin­da per­son that when I press a but­ton on my phone, there should be some­one that I could talk to, eas­i­ly. Instead when I scroll through my address book, all I can find are the num­bers of my fuck bud­dies, sex part­ners, one night stands and no one else. Has my life ‘evolved’ so much that sex is only what I need, and not love any­more?

To think, the ses­sion was pret­ty fan­tas­tic just now, but like an orgasm, it was great and then it died off.

We just fucked, but in actu­al fact I need­ed some­one to talk to, some­one where I could relate.

I did, just a moment ago some­one on Face­book added me and we chat­ted for a short 30 min­utes. For that short 30 min­utes, I could relate a lot of things to him. It wasn’t any­thing about sex, but I felt com­plete­ly opened up, some sort like an open book. Why do I have prob­lems when it comes to some­one that I am togeth­er with, some­one whom I regard as my boy friend?

I can’t talk to my boy friend about my feel­ings, he would not under­stand. I relate bet­ter with a total stranger. In fact, I some­times feel that my boy friend is prob­a­bly some­one that I would go to when I need sex, or some­one that I go to when I want to get my dick sucked. I know I could have eas­i­ly find a fuck bud­dy for that, but things are just that between me and him. We could no longer click.

Then it comes when we break up. We even­tu­al­ly get back togeth­er. It is as if noth­ing had hap­pen, and we would fuck like bun­nies again. Why?

I just met this cute lit­tle thing on Face­book, and I could tell him so many things about myself. Things that I myself do not know about. Why is that so? Am I real­ly that of a lone­ly per­son, that in fact what I real­ly need is not just about good sex, but a per­son whom I can talk with, a per­son who will lis­ten, and per­haps with a lit­tle sex in between?

What is it that peo­ple look for in a rela­tion­ship? Is it that I have been in so many rela­tion­ship that I do not know what am I look­ing for already? Why is it so damn hard to find some­one whom you can spill your beans out, and then have sex togeth­er?

Then it comes with being faith­ful and loy­al to each oth­er. Isn’t that a very sub­jec­tive mat­ter? How loy­al can some­one get? To some, as long as I am not fuck­ing anoth­er per­son, I am okay. To some, as long as I am not flirt­ing with anoth­er per­son, it should be fine. To me, as long as I do not have feel­ings for anoth­er per­son, it is fine to me.

At the end of the day, we as human beings, we get horny. When we are horny, we set­tle it our­self one way or anoth­er. Either by fuck­ing some­one, or mas­tur­bat­ing. If we are all per­fec­tion­ist, and all being oh so loy­al, isn’t mas­tur­bat­ing a for­bid­den ter­ri­to­ry as well? Don’t tell me you are just going to stare on the wall blankly, I might as well just shoot blanks.

Then why is it so hard to main­tain a rela­tion­ship? Sure peo­ple fight and stuffs. Isn’t that the mat­ter of try­ing to resolve it peace­ful­ly, and then get on back on track again?

Why is it so tough to just under­stand what the oth­er per­son need and wants, and just give in? Then, if every­one is like this, what makes us, as human beings so dif­fer­ent with oth­er mam­mals?

Peo­ple say I am sim­ply, I get sat­is­fied with sim­ply things. Why do we have to be so com­pli­cat­ed? I am eas­i­ly sat­is­fied by a plate of fresh Sashi­mi. I don’t need to get myself to Japan just for that pre­mi­um.

Have we gone by so much that we for­get what the old­er peo­ple have gone through?

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