What have we become?

Did I really try to make everyone happy, that I have totally forgotten about myself? Why is it every time when I needed to talk to somebody, no one seem to be available to talk to me?

I should be the kinda person that when I press a button on my phone, there should be someone that I could talk to, easily. Instead when I scroll through my address book, all I can find are the numbers of my fuck buddies, sex partners, one night stands and no one else. Has my life ‘evolved’ so much that sex is only what I need, and not love anymore?

To think, the session was pretty fantastic just now, but like an orgasm, it was great and then it died off.

We just fucked, but in actual fact I needed someone to talk to, someone where I could relate.

I did, just a moment ago someone on Facebook added me and we chatted for a short 30 minutes. For that short 30 minutes, I could relate a lot of things to him. It wasn’t anything about sex, but I felt completely opened up, some sort like an open book. Why do I have problems when it comes to someone that I am together with, someone whom I regard as my boy friend?

I can’t talk to my boy friend about my feelings, he would not understand. I relate better with a total stranger. In fact, I sometimes feel that my boy friend is probably someone that I would go to when I need sex, or someone that I go to when I want to get my dick sucked. I know I could have easily find a fuck buddy for that, but things are just that between me and him. We could no longer click.

Then it comes when we break up. We eventually get back together. It is as if nothing had happen, and we would fuck like bunnies again. Why?

I just met this cute little thing on Facebook, and I could tell him so many things about myself. Things that I myself do not know about. Why is that so? Am I really that of a lonely person, that in fact what I really need is not just about good sex, but a person whom I can talk with, a person who will listen, and perhaps with a little sex in between?

What is it that people look for in a relationship? Is it that I have been in so many relationship that I do not know what am I looking for already? Why is it so damn hard to find someone whom you can spill your beans out, and then have sex together?

Then it comes with being faithful and loyal to each other. Isn’t that a very subjective matter? How loyal can someone get? To some, as long as I am not fucking another person, I am okay. To some, as long as I am not flirting with another person, it should be fine. To me, as long as I do not have feelings for another person, it is fine to me.

At the end of the day, we as human beings, we get horny. When we are horny, we settle it ourself one way or another. Either by fucking someone, or masturbating. If we are all perfectionist, and all being oh so loyal, isn’t masturbating a forbidden territory as well? Don’t tell me you are just going to stare on the wall blankly, I might as well just shoot blanks.

Then why is it so hard to maintain a relationship? Sure people fight and stuffs. Isn’t that the matter of trying to resolve it peacefully, and then get on back on track again?

Why is it so tough to just understand what the other person need and wants, and just give in? Then, if everyone is like this, what makes us, as human beings so different with other mammals?

People say I am simply, I get satisfied with simply things. Why do we have to be so complicated? I am easily satisfied by a plate of fresh Sashimi. I don’t need to get myself to Japan just for that premium.

Have we gone by so much that we forget what the older people have gone through?

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