I thought I would have forgotten him, but the incident on a Saturday night in Kuala Lumpur just proves how much I still care about him, and how much I really missed him.
It was that time when I was walking in to the club, hoping to see some random cute boys that I stumbled upon a familiar face.
It was him, the boy that I was crying for for the past one and a half years, the boy that I had put my everything, the boy that I missed so much, that I still have his pictures on my computer desktop.
He was looking at me when I walked into the club, when I looked at him back, he quickly looked away, and trying not to exchange glance with me. That moment, it felt so painful that I can actually feel a stray tear trying really hard to get out from my tear gland.
I tried to continue my night without thinking anything about him. I started drinking, and my friends were giving me drinks. The night started pretty slowly as the boys and girls were on the dance floor dancing. I was standing beside the DJ booth trying to dance myself to the music.
More drinks were flowing to my throat, I can see the boy happily dancing and drinking with his bunch of friends from where I was standing.
It was after midnight that the drinking of 12 year old distilled malt drink that is getting me tipsy. I did not just stopped there, I continued drinking.
The next thing I know, more tears were flowing, and I was looking at the boy, trying to think back the times when we were still together; trying to think back the good times when we were still together.
It worked, with the music, and the abundance alcohol, I finally break down, and cried.
I was pissed drunk, I could not even walk straight. My friend who I was with could not drive my car, she had to call another friend of mine who were already home to come pick us up.
I sometimes still wonder, how long will this last. For the past 3 months, I had already stopped shredding tears for the boy. I tried to move on, but I don’t think I can now after I see myself what had happened to myself.
I always thought that having someone else in my heart now would change everything. I was wrong, again.