Thinking of the boy

I thought I would have for­got­ten him, but the inci­dent on a Sat­ur­day night in Kuala Lumpur just proves how much I still care about him, and how much I real­ly missed him.

It was that time when I was walk­ing in to the club, hop­ing to see some ran­dom cute boys that I stum­bled upon a famil­iar face.

It was him, the boy that I was cry­ing for for the past one and a half years, the boy that I had put my every­thing, the boy that I missed so much, that I still have his pic­tures on my com­put­er desk­top.

He was look­ing at me when I walked into the club, when I looked at him back, he quick­ly looked away, and try­ing not to exchange glance with me. That moment, it felt so painful that I can actu­al­ly feel a stray tear try­ing real­ly hard to get out from my tear gland.

I tried to con­tin­ue my night with­out think­ing any­thing about him. I start­ed drink­ing, and my friends were giv­ing me drinks. The night start­ed pret­ty slow­ly as the boys and girls were on the dance floor danc­ing. I was stand­ing beside the DJ booth try­ing to dance myself to the music.

More drinks were flow­ing to my throat, I can see the boy hap­pi­ly danc­ing and drink­ing with his bunch of friends from where I was stand­ing.


It was after mid­night that the drink­ing of 12 year old dis­tilled malt drink that is get­ting me tip­sy. I did not just stopped there, I con­tin­ued drink­ing.

The next thing I know, more tears were flow­ing, and I was look­ing at the boy, try­ing to think back the times when we were still togeth­er; try­ing to think back the good times when we were still togeth­er.

It worked, with the music, and the abun­dance alco­hol, I final­ly break down, and cried.

I was pissed drunk, I could not even walk straight. My friend who I was with could not dri­ve my car, she had to call anoth­er friend of mine who were already home to come pick us up.

I some­times still won­der, how long will this last. For the past 3 months, I had already stopped shred­ding tears for the boy. I tried to move on, but I don’t think I can now after I see myself what had hap­pened to myself.

I always thought that hav­ing some­one else in my heart now would change every­thing. I was wrong, again.

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8 Responses to Thinking of the boy

  1. Khai August 3, 2009 at 9:38 am #

    Cheers Up Cedric

    • Cedric Ang September 1, 2009 at 7:27 am #

      @Khai,

      Thank you. Real­ly appre­ci­ate it.

  2. Mark August 3, 2009 at 2:53 pm #

    Gosh, you are in so much pain try­ing to get over him. I haven’t found some­one that I loved so much before, so I can’t begin to relate. All I can say is try to hang in there and take things one day at a time.

    hugs

    • Cedric Ang September 1, 2009 at 7:27 am #

      @Mark,

      I’m still try­ing to hang in there. Don’t wor­ry.

  3. Jino September 19, 2009 at 10:20 pm #

    Just a ran­dom pass­er by but just want to tell you that with this kind of expe­ri­ence you have, you will grow stronger. That is part and par­cel of grow­ing up and life is some­times unfair. Yet there’s noth­ing you can do but to stay strong and face it open­ly haha. I am no one to talk much here, I don’t know what you’ve been through but hope­ful­ly you can get it over with. The next time you see him thank him for mak­ing you stronger. Press on, like the moun­tain in the wind.

    [Jino] — A man’s not a man unless he knows how to shoot

    • Cedric Ang September 20, 2009 at 11:41 pm #

      @Jino,

      Then must always come back .. okay ?

  4. Will October 1, 2009 at 8:34 pm #

    guess wat, i am expe­ri­enc­ing wat exact­ly u had gone thru .. wats went wrong when u love some­one so deeply n yet every sin­gle thing he does affect u so deeply .. He is jus right in front of you n yet u feel so much pains, mixed feel­ings etc. Some­how or rather i won­der­ing since when i m so gd in cry­ing, jus for lov­ing some­one? the time is like paus­ing n every minute is like end­less count­down .. i feel so lost now! ..

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Happy Birthday | Cedric Ang - December 22, 2009

    […] last saw The Boy some­time in August in a club some­where in Kuala Lumpur. I think the per­son that I saw that was with him is his boy […]

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