Thinking of the boy

I thought I would have forgotten him, but the incident on a Saturday night in Kuala Lumpur just proves how much I still care about him, and how much I really missed him.

It was that time when I was walking in to the club, hoping to see some random cute boys that I stumbled upon a familiar face.

It was him, the boy that I was crying for for the past one and a half years, the boy that I had put my everything, the boy that I missed so much, that I still have his pictures on my computer desktop.

He was looking at me when I walked into the club, when I looked at him back, he quickly looked away, and trying not to exchange glance with me. That moment, it felt so painful that I can actually feel a stray tear trying really hard to get out from my tear gland.

I tried to continue my night without thinking anything about him. I started drinking, and my friends were giving me drinks. The night started pretty slowly as the boys and girls were on the dance floor dancing. I was standing beside the DJ booth trying to dance myself to the music.

More drinks were flowing to my throat, I can see the boy happily dancing and drinking with his bunch of friends from where I was standing.


It was after midnight that the drinking of 12 year old distilled malt drink that is getting me tipsy. I did not just stopped there, I continued drinking.

The next thing I know, more tears were flowing, and I was looking at the boy, trying to think back the times when we were still together; trying to think back the good times when we were still together.

It worked, with the music, and the abundance alcohol, I finally break down, and cried.

I was pissed drunk, I could not even walk straight. My friend who I was with could not drive my car, she had to call another friend of mine who were already home to come pick us up.

I sometimes still wonder, how long will this last. For the past 3 months, I had already stopped shredding tears for the boy. I tried to move on, but I don’t think I can now after I see myself what had happened to myself.

I always thought that having someone else in my heart now would change everything. I was wrong, again.

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8 Responses to Thinking of the boy

  1. Khai August 3, 2009 at 9:38 am #

    Cheers Up Cedric

    • Cedric Ang September 1, 2009 at 7:27 am #

      @Khai,

      Thank you. Really appreciate it.

  2. Mark August 3, 2009 at 2:53 pm #

    Gosh, you are in so much pain trying to get over him. I haven’t found someone that I loved so much before, so I can’t begin to relate. All I can say is try to hang in there and take things one day at a time.

    hugs

    • Cedric Ang September 1, 2009 at 7:27 am #

      @Mark,

      I’m still trying to hang in there. Don’t worry.

  3. Jino September 19, 2009 at 10:20 pm #

    Just a random passer by but just want to tell you that with this kind of experience you have, you will grow stronger. That is part and parcel of growing up and life is sometimes unfair. Yet there’s nothing you can do but to stay strong and face it openly haha. I am no one to talk much here, I don’t know what you’ve been through but hopefully you can get it over with. The next time you see him thank him for making you stronger. Press on, like the mountain in the wind.

    [Jino] – A man’s not a man unless he knows how to shoot

    • Cedric Ang September 20, 2009 at 11:41 pm #

      @Jino,

      Then must always come back .. okay ?

  4. Will October 1, 2009 at 8:34 pm #

    guess wat, i am experiencing wat exactly u had gone thru .. wats went wrong when u love someone so deeply n yet every single thing he does affect u so deeply .. He is jus right in front of you n yet u feel so much pains, mixed feelings etc. Somehow or rather i wondering since when i m so gd in crying, jus for loving someone? the time is like pausing n every minute is like endless countdown .. i feel so lost now! ..

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Happy Birthday | Cedric Ang - December 22, 2009

    […] last saw The Boy sometime in August in a club somewhere in Kuala Lumpur. I think the person that I saw that was with him is his boy […]

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