The problems

Sleep­less­ness, that is what I can use to describe myself.

I would want to blame it on the dif­fer­ent time zones, they call it jet lagged. Yes, I have been liv­ing on a jet setter’s lifestyle since late Novem­ber. It was fun, to be able to trav­el all around, meet­ing dif­fer­ent peo­ple before I start myself in Uni in May.

But that is not the point, the point is, I want­ed to stay away from my home in Kuala Lumpur. I had want­ed to do this for a very long time, try­ing to see if I could for­get the boy. The truth is, I can’t. On the boy’s birth­day last year, while I was in Brazil, I gave the boy a call to wish him a hap­py birth­day. I mean, it would only be appro­pri­ate if I do that, at least, I thought it that way.

Not only was I wrong about the whole thing, I still end­ed up cry­ing at night, hug­ging a pil­low, that I was well aware that it would not hug me back.

It was Chi­nese New Year. I remem­bered last year’s pret­ty well. I was in home­town, and could not let myself not miss­ing the boy. We prac­ti­cal­ly texted each oth­er the whole day. I had to run around the house because the house was sur­round­ed by hills, and Max­is cov­er­age wasn’t that great, then I found the per­fect spot, the store room.

Sweat­ing and sneez­ing, I embraced myself, just for the sake of not want­i­ng to miss his text mes­sages. Sil­ly, I know. That’s what we all do for love, no?


Deep inside, back to real­i­ty, I thought I could for­get him if I leave my room, leave every­thing behind and move some­where else. I could not move to Sin­ga­pore because that was our ini­tial plan. We both con­tin­ue our stud­ies in Sin­ga­pore.

Sin­ga­pore will bring back the mem­o­ries, I would def­i­nite­ly sure about it. Then, dur­ing my vaca­tion, I cried, and cried again, hug­ging the cold hotel pil­lows, streak of tears just fall down to my cheek, and to the bed.

I could not help it, they say I was being fool­ish for falling in love to a per­son that do not love me. Deep inside, I still believe that there is love, deep inside, I still believe that it was me that had caused the breakup, and it was be that had put our rela­tion­ship into that fine thin line.

I could have sal­vage it, I just know I could.

It has been almost 9 months since we break up, and I am still here, hug­ging my pil­low tight, hop­ing that it was the boy that I was hug­ging.

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7 Responses to The problems

  1. rae February 9, 2009 at 9:32 am #

    Dear Mr Cedric.…. xD

    I’ve only read a hand­ful of your posts [that was before the serv­er crashed or some­thing] and the best that i can say is only going to be a guess/surmise.

    Hav­ing said that, I see that you’re a roman­tic. Maybe a lit­tle obsessed at times [don’t be angry yeah? xD], but, maybe He’s worth it. I don’t know.…but you cer­tain­ly seem to think so.

    So, my only say is, if you real­ly think that he’s worth all this chas­ing, con­tin­ue what you’re doing.

    BUT, you do have to know that there is the option of let­ting him go right? Often the hard­est thing to do is the right thing to do.…..

    • Cedric Ang February 12, 2009 at 12:20 pm #

      Maybe he isn’t but I am choos­ing the believe oth­er­wise.

      I am slow­ly let­ting it go, slow­ly.

  2. cyrus February 16, 2009 at 9:00 pm #

    hope tat u can real­ly let it go.…search again…^^

  3. Levi Burns May 1, 2009 at 7:29 pm #

    失去也是另一种获得

  4. Will October 1, 2009 at 9:33 pm #

    I could not help it, they say I was being fool­ish for falling in love to a per­son that do not love me”

    not real­ly fool­ish, once u start­ed it u jus cant stop it!

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