The problems

Sleeplessness, that is what I can use to describe myself.

I would want to blame it on the different time zones, they call it jet lagged. Yes, I have been living on a jet setter’s lifestyle since late November. It was fun, to be able to travel all around, meeting different people before I start myself in Uni in May.

But that is not the point, the point is, I wanted to stay away from my home in Kuala Lumpur. I had wanted to do this for a very long time, trying to see if I could forget the boy. The truth is, I can’t. On the boy’s birthday last year, while I was in Brazil, I gave the boy a call to wish him a happy birthday. I mean, it would only be appropriate if I do that, at least, I thought it that way.

Not only was I wrong about the whole thing, I still ended up crying at night, hugging a pillow, that I was well aware that it would not hug me back.

It was Chinese New Year. I remembered last year’s pretty well. I was in hometown, and could not let myself not missing the boy. We practically texted each other the whole day. I had to run around the house because the house was surrounded by hills, and Maxis coverage wasn’t that great, then I found the perfect spot, the store room.

Sweating and sneezing, I embraced myself, just for the sake of not wanting to miss his text messages. Silly, I know. That’s what we all do for love, no?


Deep inside, back to reality, I thought I could forget him if I leave my room, leave everything behind and move somewhere else. I could not move to Singapore because that was our initial plan. We both continue our studies in Singapore.

Singapore will bring back the memories, I would definitely sure about it. Then, during my vacation, I cried, and cried again, hugging the cold hotel pillows, streak of tears just fall down to my cheek, and to the bed.

I could not help it, they say I was being foolish for falling in love to a person that do not love me. Deep inside, I still believe that there is love, deep inside, I still believe that it was me that had caused the breakup, and it was be that had put our relationship into that fine thin line.

I could have salvage it, I just know I could.

It has been almost 9 months since we break up, and I am still here, hugging my pillow tight, hoping that it was the boy that I was hugging.

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7 Responses to The problems

  1. rae February 9, 2009 at 9:32 am #

    Dear Mr Cedric….. xD

    I’ve only read a handful of your posts [that was before the server crashed or something] and the best that i can say is only going to be a guess/surmise.

    Having said that, I see that you’re a romantic. Maybe a little obsessed at times [don’t be angry yeah? xD], but, maybe He’s worth it. I don’t know….but you certainly seem to think so.

    So, my only say is, if you really think that he’s worth all this chasing, continue what you’re doing.

    BUT, you do have to know that there is the option of letting him go right? Often the hardest thing to do is the right thing to do……

    • Cedric Ang February 12, 2009 at 12:20 pm #

      Maybe he isn’t but I am choosing the believe otherwise.

      I am slowly letting it go, slowly.

  2. cyrus February 16, 2009 at 9:00 pm #

    hope tat u can really let it go….search again…^^

  3. Levi Burns May 1, 2009 at 7:29 pm #

    失去也是另一种获得

  4. Will October 1, 2009 at 9:33 pm #

    “I could not help it, they say I was being foolish for falling in love to a person that do not love me”

    not really foolish, once u started it u jus cant stop it!

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