It has been a couple of weeks since the boy had announced that he has found a new boy friend. It is also the same time that me, the ex boy friend been crying almost every night.
How can I help it? I could not do anything but just let the tears flow from my eyes to my cheek and drop till my shirt, and sometimes on the bed.
Almost every night I cry myself silently, almost every night all I could do is to think of the mess I am in; the mess that I might not be able to clean up, a mess that I do not want to have anything to do with; a mess that I have regretted creating in the first place.
Listening to the Top 40 hit songs do not help, my ‘super emo’ play list has been on the iPod for the past nights accompanying my tear of loneliness.
The boy had been a great meaning of my life. I do not know or how it has impact me, but I just know that it did. Otherwise, why would I not be able to get over it and get on with it, a question that I myself that should have the answer, do not have.
A few weeks from now, it would be our first year together if we are still together. I find it very hard to swallow. All I can think of right now, is how badly I have treated the boy.
I want to move on, but I can’t. I tried, and people tell me I have not been trying hard enough. How hard is enough, then?
Some people can let go something easily, perhaps that something is of no value to that somebody. I beg to differ, the boy has been part of my life, and I do not think I can let it go with just a snap of the finger, a gesture that the boy love to do.
All I can think of is the good things that the boy do, the hand gesture, the language, the sweet smile, the smirk and the attitude.
I have then been thinking, even if we had the chance in the future to get back together, will we even still be the same? Will we get over our past, and live life like it should be? Tears continue to fall from my eyes to my cheek, gradually falling down to my shirt wetting it.