Tears

It has been a cou­ple of weeks since the boy had announced that he has found a new boy friend. It is also the same time that me, the ex boy friend been cry­ing almost every night.

How can I help it? I could not do any­thing but just let the tears flow from my eyes to my cheek and drop till my shirt, and some­times on the bed.

Almost every night I cry myself silent­ly, almost every night all I could do is to think of the mess I am in; the mess that I might not be able to clean up, a mess that I do not want to have any­thing to do with; a mess that I have regret­ted cre­at­ing in the first place.

Lis­ten­ing to the Top 40 hit songs do not help, my ‘super emo’ play list has been on the iPod for the past nights accom­pa­ny­ing my tear of lone­li­ness.

Tears

The boy had been a great mean­ing of my life. I do not know or how it has impact me, but I just know that it did. Oth­er­wise, why would I not be able to get over it and get on with it, a ques­tion that I myself that should have the answer, do not have.

A few weeks from now, it would be our first year togeth­er if we are still togeth­er. I find it very hard to swal­low. All I can think of right now, is how bad­ly I have treat­ed the boy.

I want to move on, but I can’t. I tried, and peo­ple tell me I have not been try­ing hard enough. How hard is enough, then?

Some peo­ple can let go some­thing eas­i­ly, per­haps that some­thing is of no val­ue to that some­body. I beg to dif­fer, the boy has been part of my life, and I do not think I can let it go with just a snap of the fin­ger, a ges­ture that the boy love to do.

All I can think of is the good things that the boy do, the hand ges­ture, the lan­guage, the sweet smile, the smirk and the atti­tude.

I have then been think­ing, even if we had the chance in the future to get back togeth­er, will we even still be the same? Will we get over our past, and live life like it should be? Tears con­tin­ue to fall from my eyes to my cheek, grad­u­al­ly falling down to my shirt wet­ting it.

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3 Responses to Tears

  1. Glog September 28, 2008 at 12:59 am #

    Take it easy there… Hugs…

  2. Paul September 30, 2008 at 8:26 am #

    Hey, take a deep breath. Drop the emo albums. Go lis­ten to strong empow­er­ing songs! Call out your friends!

  3. Cedric Ang September 30, 2008 at 8:37 am #

    Glog, Im try­ing.

    Paul, I don’t want to, I like those songs