Manipulative me

Life isn’t always just full of roses. I am sure along the way, there are the thorns, the ups and the downs in life.

My boy friend said sometimes I am very manipulative in my words. The other day, he walked off from me.

I sometimes like to do things spontaneously. Like, on the day when L walked off from me, I actually said I wanted to go to this restaurant to meet up with my friends, and unfortunately my friends were not there.

Back in my head, even if my friends were there, I would not stop and have a drink with them. Perhaps I just wanted …

Then, my friend that I was looking for gave me a call. He said he was going to come over. I guess it was alright. Well, I thought it was alright. L got out from my car, and walked off. I was angry, I was confused, I was dumbfucked.

L had never walked off from me. Never. He would remain quiet for a couple of days but never walked away. I guess there are always the first time.

After supper, I thought while I was drinking my drink, L could pay at the counter for me; since both of us were not comfortable there. Instead, while I was paying, he walked away again; At that time, I wanted to used the men’s room, if I had gone, I could have lost him forever.

In the end I managed to coaxed him to stay, or at least let me take him back. Walking for 25 KM back to his home from where we were is not my idea of spending a night, I think he would think the same too. The event that took place that night made me sleepless the whole night. Yes, I still need to wake up for work.

He said that I am always manipulative with my words. Perhaps it was just some miscommunication thing that I am not really good with. I tried really hard not to hurt his feelings, try really hard to make him happy. I know sometimes I did things that he didn’t like, but it is always for the process of trying to make him happy.

I am confused, I don’t know what to do sometimes. I tried to be funny sometimes, and it was always at the wrong time and L took it wrongly. I told him I am horny, and I would really love to see him. He was tired, so instead of sounding disappointed, I told him I’ll just go have sex with a duck. He took that too seriously.

Tears started flowing when I got that SMS that L sent me saying that he needs a break. We have been through all these twice since we were together. Everytime that happened, I always imagined the unforseen, that we finally break up. Like, not together anymore. Everything I asked him if things are okay again, I feared the worst would happen. I am just a sucker for love, I guess.

This time, he had ask for a couple of weeks of no contacts. Just a couple of weeks, he said. I am afraid that I might break in peices. I cannot even handle the two times even though it was just for days. I don’t know if I can even handle this.

Someone help me please, I think I need alcohol

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4 Responses to Manipulative me

  1. Martin January 24, 2008 at 7:04 pm #

    Hi, you may not like to hear this but it sounds like you two have compatibility issues. Communication problems are often a sign of something larger, usually the inability of one side to accept and live with the different value system of the other.

    Your friend could try to fit into your value system or vice versa but short of experiencing deep mental trauma, its hard for people to change. Forcing it would be fake and fake things never last. On the positive side, its better that you know early. You are still young and there are many fish in the sea as they say. Instead of being handcuffed together with long faces, both of you can decide to move on, now a little bit wiser.

    But I’m sure you know this already. Maybe what you need is someone – a real person to talk to and I’m sure you have no problem there. So take it easy and good luck.

  2. Cedric Ang January 25, 2008 at 11:29 am #

    Martin, thanks for the feedback. Actually I think the way that I have put it in the blog entry makes it sounds like it was a communication thinggy, well I know I have said it that way.

    I think it is more of a coming out from the closet kind of thing, L doesn’t want to be known, whilst I like to bring him out to meet more friends, I guess that’s the problem.

  3. Volturi January 26, 2008 at 3:28 am #

    Hmm.. seems complicated here. Based on my years of experience with my exs’ and my current partner, i myself have learned alot from them. Here’s some tips that hopefully would help both of you.

    Firstly, you said that he said that you are being manipulative with your words. Perhaps you just need to be a little more honest and direct during your conversation.

    2nd, you said “L had never walked off from me. Never. He would remain quiet for a couple of days but never walked away. I guess there are always the first time. ” this seems like everytime you made him upset, you left him to kept quiet for a couple of days instead of immediately console him . You must not wait until something upsetting nest and grow into a bigger problem, be proactive sometimes. You also sound like you are taking him for granted as you have claimed you have never seen him walking away. Im sure there is a robust reason why a lover would walk away from his partner. Dear Cedric, why wait for the storm to hit the shore when you have a choice to evacuate earlier ? Try to understand why was he upset.

    3rd, you have said that something like him walking away truly made you sleepless. This obviously signs that you DO care and you DO love him.

    4th, “I tried really hard not to hurt his feelings, try really hard to make him happy. I know sometimes I did things that he didn’t like, but it is always for the process of trying to make him happy” Perhaps, sometimes a man can try too hard. Be natural. Im sure L likes you for who you are, and not the “trial” you. You said that you did things that he doesnt like in order to make him happy in the end. This is no fairytale. If you did do something that made him unhappy in the first place, you need to tell him your good will, otherwise it will be up to no use. Honesty and communication is very important in a relationship.

    5th, ” I am just a sucker for love, I guess.” Dont give up and lose your confidence ! If you really love L, have faith in this relationship. If you dont, dont be upset, like what Martin said, there are still many fishes in the ocean ( not that im suggesting you to break up or anything ). “Everytime that happened, I always imagined the unforseen, that we finally break up.” Do be optimistic about a relationship. A relationships needs to grow stonger and more stable with time. If you were to kept foreseeing that a relationship you are engaged in are going to be over, it is i real ominious sign that would only bring foreboding signs. Have confidence, young man !

    6th, like what you said about coming out of the closet, i myself had a rough time coming out of my closet during the last semester of my Uni course. Things was tough, but when the goings get tough, the will gets tougher. Of course, this doesnt apply to everyone. Nobody can push anyone out of the closet unless that person wants to come out. Like what was highlighted in Trevvy’s web page ( http://www.trevvy.com/scoops/article.php?a_id=264&c_id=3 ), dating Mr.Discreet can be a tough thing. Trust me, i have a handful of that experience myself. But if you really love him, you should give him time to come out. Dont encourage, provoke or anything.

    When the time is right, a true gay will be more than proud to step out of the closet and embrace himself.

    Good luck and i hope that my tips could help you.

    If anyone needs someone to console about their love life too, i would be more than happy to help. I will soon set up a blog dedicated to help struggling gays getting through rough patches.

    From the one and only, Volturi.

  4. Cedric Ang January 27, 2008 at 9:30 pm #

    Volturi, thanks for the advise there. It will take me some time to slowly digest what you have suggested. Not to worry, I think the time out is both good for both of us. It helps us think what is important in our life.

    Thank you, once again.