I am turning bulimic

For the past 10 days or so, I have not had a prop­er meal. It wasn’t because food was not avail­able to me, but rather the food just doesn’t look appe­tiz­ing enough for me to eat.

L knows I love eat­ing, and I have been gain­ing weight slow­ly. L did com­plained to me that I am get­ting fat­ter and he did jok­ing­ly said he would leave me one day

On that week­end, my par­ents had bought me break­fast. It was the same food that I have every week­end. Dad seems to be very fond of buy­ing from this stall. It just put my mood of eat­ing down to the deep­est black­hole.

On Mon­day, I cooked some­thing think­ing to bring it to office. I usu­al­ly do that. Nope, I still can’t eat. I just drank water, and green tea. I feed the food to the cat down­stairs, she love it.

Purg­ing from the back end has been less too. It was dark, almost black col­ored. Two things. Inter­nal bleed­ing, or tox­ins. Sun­day, when I weight myself, I am now 59KG com­pared to 67KG the last time I remem­bered I weight. My pants feels loos­er as well. In fact, I def­i­nite­ly need a belt now.

Yes­ter­day, I tried to eat some­thing. In fact, I was forced to eat some­thing by K. He was real­ly con­cerned that I am not eat­ing. I had to, I don’t want to wor­ry him. He felt guilty that he brought L to the pub, I don’t want him to feel that way. I force myself to eat. I did not fin­ish every­thing, in fact I gave a lot of it to K for him to fin­ish it up for me.

30 min­utes lat­er, I puked every­thing.

Am I turn­ing bulim­ic or what ?

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2 Responses to I am turning bulimic

  1. rei April 23, 2008 at 1:42 am #

    you hadn’t been tak­ing any food. tak­ing any would result in vom­it­ing, if this goes on, you’ll def­i­nite­ly turn bulim­ic

  2. Cedric Ang April 24, 2008 at 4:02 pm #

    hel­lo rei, no wor­ries .. i’m slow­ly tak­ing soft food now and it seems to be improv­ing. I still feel like vom­it­ing, though.