For the past 10 days or so, I have not had a proper meal. It wasn’t because food was not available to me, but rather the food just doesn’t look appetizing enough for me to eat.
L knows I love eating, and I have been gaining weight slowly. L did complained to me that I am getting fatter and he did jokingly said he would leave me one day
On that weekend, my parents had bought me breakfast. It was the same food that I have every weekend. Dad seems to be very fond of buying from this stall. It just put my mood of eating down to the deepest blackhole.
On Monday, I cooked something thinking to bring it to office. I usually do that. Nope, I still can’t eat. I just drank water, and green tea. I feed the food to the cat downstairs, she love it.
Purging from the back end has been less too. It was dark, almost black colored. Two things. Internal bleeding, or toxins. Sunday, when I weight myself, I am now 59KG compared to 67KG the last time I remembered I weight. My pants feels looser as well. In fact, I definitely need a belt now.
Yesterday, I tried to eat something. In fact, I was forced to eat something by K. He was really concerned that I am not eating. I had to, I don’t want to worry him. He felt guilty that he brought L to the pub, I don’t want him to feel that way. I force myself to eat. I did not finish everything, in fact I gave a lot of it to K for him to finish it up for me.
30 minutes later, I puked everything.
Am I turning bulimic or what ?