Flashbacks

I woke up ear­ly today. Real­ly ear­ly.

I could not sleep. Insom­nia has got the best of me. That’s not just it, flash­back of our moments with the boy hit me hard again, till I almost kneel down to my knees beg­ging it to stop.

I want to cry it out, loud if I could, but I can’t. Streak of tears just kept on falling because it knows I miss the boy very much.

The more I look at my Face­book, the more unhap­py I become. I don’t look at Face­book much nowa­days because it kept on remind­ing me of the fear that I have.

Just this after­noon while I was munch­ing on the green apples that I have cut, I saw a pro­file adding the boy to his Face­book.

Is this the guy that every­one is talk­ing about? Is this the per­son that peo­ple has been telling me that is fuck­ing with my ex boy friend, my boy? Is this the per­son that took over my ‘duty’ sat­is­fy­ing the boy? Can he?

Ques­tions and ques­tions start­ing to appear in my mind.

I am not sure if I can get over it, I mean it has been so darn long that the boy has not con­tact­ed me. I on the oth­er hand do not want to dis­turb him because the boy told me he do not want to hear from me. Per­haps, the boy miss­es me, per­haps not.

I check on the boy’s blog every­day. Hop­ing that he would update his blog. It has been vacant since last year, my hope of get­ting to know the boy’s well being just shat­tered like that, with bar­ri­er after bar­ri­er block­ing my progress.

I some­times do won­der, if the boy actu­al­ly still thinks of me. He did say that he wants to cut off all con­tacts because he wants to move on. He could not with­out think­ing about me. I was some­how flat­tered, but think­ing it to myself, isn’t it bet­ter if we had not choose to breakup?

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2 Responses to Flashbacks

  1. Queen B April 19, 2009 at 10:21 pm #

    try to lis­ten to craig david “insom­nia”

    i’m sure u’ll be hap­py just for a while 🙂

    • Cedric Ang April 24, 2009 at 1:39 pm #

      @Queen B,

      Am not much of a music fanat­ic. I guess my lat­est col­lec­tion on my iPod is prob­a­bly a few years old.

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