College and higher education

The doc­tor had asked me to stay away from caf­feine. It was one of the main rea­sons why I was always anx­ious about things that are hap­pen­ing around me. I stopped tak­ing cof­fee as my dai­ly rou­tine, and it helped tremen­dous­ly.

Aside from that, I am also on a cou­ple of drugs that the doc­tor had pre­scribed me, it real­ly help a lot in terms of both talk­ing with L, and my office col­leagues. Not only did it kept me calm down most of the time, it also helped me to think about things ratio­nal­ly, and exe­cute my plans well.

Well, actu­al­ly this post has got noth­ing to do with me. More like, it is some­thing that I have been think­ing for a cou­ple of nights now.

You see, L had just fin­ish his SPM. See­ing that I real­ly wish that he could con­tin­ue his stud­ies at some­where that he real­ly liked. How­ev­er, com­ing from an aver­age fam­i­ly with a lot of sib­lings, his dad did warn him that he will not pay any of the fees for var­si­ty for L if he had decid­ed to jump ship to some­where else.

Depressed, L was hop­ing that he would be able to get admit­ted to this var­si­ty and fur­ther his stud­ies. Prob­lem is, being a pub­lic U, you can’t sim­ply choose unless luck is on your side.

So we came out with some alter­na­tives. Study­ing abroad, or a local col­lege here, and then con­tin­ue fur­ther some­where else. It was the best case sce­nario if the pub­lic U did not approve his appli­ca­tion.

To keep the unnes­sar­ry thoughts out of my mind, I have con­sult­ed a few peo­ple regard­ing the route to fur­ther stud­ies. Fees varies to a cou­ple thou­sand Ring­git to a few hun­dred thou­sand Ring­git.

There are a few rea­sons that makes me want to help L, or at least be there for him. Mon­ey is nev­er enough, and if the mon­ey that I have could help some­one that I love so much, I don’t see that it is wrong, even if he just label me as, ‘just friends’.

L is dream­ing of get­ting over to USA to study. Inspired by the sto­ries by his cousins, that she work her own way for her study fees, L was deter­mine to fol­low his cousin’s foot­steps. I had strong­ly dis­agree that he do because I think that his deci­sion was mere­ly because he want­ed to go over there, instead of the real capa­bil­i­ty that the boy has.

We also look into the local col­leges to seek for the pos­si­bil­i­ties to fur­ther into that area of study. We found a cou­ple local col­lege to be prospec­tive. Fur­ther dis­cus­sion with a friend of mine not only con­vinced L to give the local col­leges a thought, but also con­sid­er­ing the fees and liv­ing expens­es. In fact, I real­ly owe a lot to this friend for will­ing to help me out, even though he has to go through his exam­i­na­tion him­self soon.

Then it comes to the fees of the college, and living expenses. Before me and L broke up last month, I had sent in an application for a loan of 60k for L. The reason I did that is because I want to see L to get his education, to be someone successful. A someone that I could not see in myself, and I really wish that I want to see it in him, someone that is so dearly to me.

It was a sur­prised that L unblocked me from his MSN. I know that he did because a few of my oth­er friends that has got L in their con­tact list told me that L is online. When I final­ly see L online, I mes­saged him, and try­ing to keep my excite­ment with­in myself, I found that L was depressed and wor­ried about his high­er edu­ca­tion.

Try­ing not to sound like his par­ents, I tried to see what is it that he real­ly want­ed. Tried to talk to him as calm­ly as I can and that first chat ses­sion after such a long peri­od of time turned out to be very well. Of course, if L had know what was hap­pen­ing behind the scene, he would prob­a­bly not agree that I appear to be calm than nor­mal.


I have decid­ed to sup­port L all the way, bat­ter the storm togeth­er with him. L was afraid that I was giv­ing him false hope, he was afraid that I am actu­al­ly try­ing to take revenge on him for leav­ing me like that. The only assur­ance that I give him that I wasn’t is my per­se­ver­ance on try­ing to get him back to me. He man­aged to con­vince him­self that I wasn’t but I am sure some of these days, he will think about it again, unless I can real­ly prove that I am not. Of course, it wasn’t my inten­tions.

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