College and higher education

The doctor had asked me to stay away from caffeine. It was one of the main reasons why I was always anxious about things that are happening around me. I stopped taking coffee as my daily routine, and it helped tremendously.

Aside from that, I am also on a couple of drugs that the doctor had prescribed me, it really help a lot in terms of both talking with L, and my office colleagues. Not only did it kept me calm down most of the time, it also helped me to think about things rationally, and execute my plans well.

Well, actually this post has got nothing to do with me. More like, it is something that I have been thinking for a couple of nights now.

You see, L had just finish his SPM. Seeing that I really wish that he could continue his studies at somewhere that he really liked. However, coming from an average family with a lot of siblings, his dad did warn him that he will not pay any of the fees for varsity for L if he had decided to jump ship to somewhere else.

Depressed, L was hoping that he would be able to get admitted to this varsity and further his studies. Problem is, being a public U, you can’t simply choose unless luck is on your side.

So we came out with some alternatives. Studying abroad, or a local college here, and then continue further somewhere else. It was the best case scenario if the public U did not approve his application.

To keep the unnessarry thoughts out of my mind, I have consulted a few people regarding the route to further studies. Fees varies to a couple thousand Ringgit to a few hundred thousand Ringgit.

There are a few reasons that makes me want to help L, or at least be there for him. Money is never enough, and if the money that I have could help someone that I love so much, I don’t see that it is wrong, even if he just label me as, ‘just friends’.

L is dreaming of getting over to USA to study. Inspired by the stories by his cousins, that she work her own way for her study fees, L was determine to follow his cousin’s footsteps. I had strongly disagree that he do because I think that his decision was merely because he wanted to go over there, instead of the real capability that the boy has.

We also look into the local colleges to seek for the possibilities to further into that area of study. We found a couple local college to be prospective. Further discussion with a friend of mine not only convinced L to give the local colleges a thought, but also considering the fees and living expenses. In fact, I really owe a lot to this friend for willing to help me out, even though he has to go through his examination himself soon.

Then it comes to the fees of the college, and living expenses. Before me and L broke up last month, I had sent in an application for a loan of 60k for L. The reason I did that is because I want to see L to get his education, to be someone successful. A someone that I could not see in myself, and I really wish that I want to see it in him, someone that is so dearly to me.

It was a surprised that L unblocked me from his MSN. I know that he did because a few of my other friends that has got L in their contact list told me that L is online. When I finally see L online, I messaged him, and trying to keep my excitement within myself, I found that L was depressed and worried about his higher education.

Trying not to sound like his parents, I tried to see what is it that he really wanted. Tried to talk to him as calmly as I can and that first chat session after such a long period of time turned out to be very well. Of course, if L had know what was happening behind the scene, he would probably not agree that I appear to be calm than normal.


I have decided to support L all the way, batter the storm together with him. L was afraid that I was giving him false hope, he was afraid that I am actually trying to take revenge on him for leaving me like that. The only assurance that I give him that I wasn’t is my perseverance on trying to get him back to me. He managed to convince himself that I wasn’t but I am sure some of these days, he will think about it again, unless I can really prove that I am not. Of course, it wasn’t my intentions.

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