For a long time, I was killing myself to hide that fact. I had all these reasons, it was unfair that only gay people had to come out, I was sick of change, but the truth is, I was just scared.
First, I thought it was just a gay thing but then I realised that no matter what, announcing who you are to the world is pretty terrifying cause what if the world doesn’t like you. So, I did whatever I could to keep my secret.
Talk about time passing by.
The last time I actually write about something was back in 2014.
The other day, when Ashton decided not to talk to me yet again. I thought I should write something.
Yeah, I somewhat got together with Ashton. After Ashton sent me his last message two weeks ago, I tried to recall how did we get together. I remembered I was dating L, then someone in between, then Nelson, then had that fling with Milo, then Julian then Ashton. I was searching frantically for pictures during that period of time, in 2008 and subsequently in 2013 to find any pictorial proofs of my boys.
I will be back in a bit. Promise.
How many of us actually wish to have a long lasting relationship?
From that time when I met Nelson to the time when Milo finally came to my life, it has been a roller coaster ride. Then came Ashton and then Julian. All within that short 6 months period.
Am I a play boy as some would label me? Or am I just searching frantically for that someone to love?
When I was with Nelson, it became so unstable that we find faults with each other. When Nelson got sick, he blamed me.
It was then I met with Ashton, a boy that I have met a couple of years back.
It wasn’t a relationship back then, but we both agree to try it out, for old times sake.
It didn’t work, only lasted for a few months and we decided to just be friends.
Then I met Julian, whom I have been having on and off conversation since a year ago. He met into some financial issue and I am not willing to help because of the past experience that I had. He ignores me very frequently and it seems he is only using me for his own benefits.
What should I do now?
I boarded the plane headed back to Malaysia, for the first time in my life, I am exercising my rights, and my duty to my country.
Funny is that I am required to pay thousands of ringgit of taxes, and yet I have to register myself to vote in my country, but that’s another story.
I live in an area where the community barely know each other. Perhaps the situation got worst when the residence here are mostly working adults renting on single rooms. However, I do know my neighbors in my small gated community.
Still wearing traces of alcohol from last night’s party, I headed to the polling station that I was supposed to be. Dad was supposed to give me a lift but I decided to head on out myself first; he was having his morning tea with his friends at a nearby coffee shop.