I could not get myself to do it. The last time I tried, I got a “Anything? I am busy” reply from him and that feeling totally sucks.

I was at Hannah Tan’s concert at The Garden’s ballroom. Alone.

I brought a gift, a gift that I thought would make some boy happy. I registered myself, and pass the staff my gift and proceed to the ballroom where Hannah Tan was going to sing.

It was THE song, the song that made me almost shed my tears; the song from the local group, Innuendo.

Driving home, with my thoughts stuck in my head, more tears starting to flow uncontrollably.

I last saw The Boy sometime in August in a club somewhere in Kuala Lumpur. I think the person that I saw that was with him is his boy friend, but I wasn’t too sure.

Till today, I don’t know why, but I still think of him all the time. Perhaps I still miss him, but something I really do not want to.

I tried to keep myself from messaging him, I tried to not think of him, but every time I do, I failed miserably.

Perhaps I will never forget him. Perhaps every year, I will go back to this state of uncertainty, perhaps …

They say, true love are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget.

Happy birthday, my boy.

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It was lunch time and the delegates were invited by the host for lunch at the Sogo’s Japanese Restaurant at the 6th floor.

The foreign girls trying out the chopstick. Practicing how to use a chopstick.

It was a Japanese buffet with a lot of raw stuffs. Salmon, tuna, yellow tail, you name it. The girls were having fun stuffing themselves with what Japanese had done for ages.

Two of the D’Touch staffs. Friendly bunch.

Staffs from Sogo who was so generous with their hospitality and lots of great food.

Not less, group picture time.

Of course, there were a lot of people from the public who wield out their mobile phones trying to get a picture of the ladies. Some of them were in the state of confusion, but that was all.

The 45 ladies will appear in various location during the month towards the end of the year so there are a lot more opportunities if you have missed them. Catch the crowning of the Miss Tourism International 2009 at Sunway Lagoon Resort on the 31st of December 2009.

Related posts:

1. Miss Marigold Body Beautiful Miss Marigold Body Beautiful, a subsidiary title for Miss Tourism...

Nuffnang being one of the silver sponsors contacted me to join the event. Maybe because Robb thinks that I’m cute and I can take good pictures, but that is only him to know.

One of the roadshows that I was invited to was held at Sunway Pyramid Concourse area where 45 contestants. The whole event was sponsored by Marigold HL milk.

Miss Marigold Body Beautiful winner Miss Venezuela, Jessica Ibarra.

Right after crowning the Miss Marigold Body Beautiful, we were invited for some snacks at Thai Thai Restaurant, and of course more Marigold goodness.

It was a fun filled night and exciting night for me seeing 45 lovely ladies parading themselves for their country

For more information about the road shows and schedules, check out Nuffnang’s blogpost here. There will be a lot of activities (and freebies). Do also join them at Sunway Lagoon Resort this New Year’s Eve and see who crowns the Miss Tourism International 2009!

Edited on December 20th 2009

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In the norm, when I sit down in front of the computer, be it my MacBook Pro or my MacPro, I am able to write something out. Things are way different now, perhaps I am getting very used to keeping things in my mind, rather than blurted it out.

Being invited for DiGi’s Yellow Army Graduation party was a blessing while I am back in Malaysia. First thing first, photo opportunities, and I guess there’s lotsa cuties as well.

They have a lot of activities on that day, but the one that I really wanted to go is sitting inside a drifter’s car. Had not had that chance this time, and was stuck outside the fence taking pictures.

They have some water balloon fight as well.

Then I spotted a cutie.

Cutie got himself two water balloons.

Look at that graceful throw. Too bad I did not get to know his name.

That’s all for now. Hope those that attended the Yellow Army Graduation Party had fun!

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Wake up in the morning, breakfast for my dear, and off we went spending the whole day in the uni. Back home, the usual hang out together thing, dinner and off to bed. I barely had time to masturbate myself (not really because I have my dear to help me out).

Gosh, I never knew uni stuff is that much. I don’t need more time, just more energy to put myself in front of the computer and write something.

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Is this the finger or just another fist?
Is this the kingdom or just a hit n’ miss?
I miss direction most in all this desperation

Is this what they call freedom?
Is this what you call pain?
Is this what they call discontented fame?

It’ll be a day like this one
When the world caves in, when the world caves in

I’m singing this one like a broken piece of glass
From broken hearts and broken noses in the back
Is this the New Year or just another desperation?

You push until you’re shoving
You bend until you break
Do you stand on the broken fields where our fathers lay?

It’ll be a day like this one
When the world caves in, when the world caves in

Is nothing here worth saving?
Is no one here at all?
Is there any net left that could break our fall?

It’ll be a day like this one
When the sky falls down and the hungry
And poor and deserted are found

Are you discontented?
Have you been pushing hard?
Have you been throwing down this broken house of cards?

Is there nothing left now? Nothing left to sing
Are there any left who haven’t kissed the enemy?
Is this the New Year or just another desperation?

Yeah, does justice never find you?
Do the wicked never lose?
Is there any honest song to sing besides these blues?

And nothing is okay
Till the world caves in, until the world caves in.

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It was that time when I was walking in to the club, hoping to see some random cute boys that I stumbled upon a familiar face.

It was him, the boy that I was crying for for the past one and a half years, the boy that I had put my everything, the boy that I missed so much, that I still have his pictures on my computer desktop.

He was looking at me when I walked into the club, when I looked at him back, he quickly looked away, and trying not to exchange glance with me. That moment, it felt so painful that I can actually feel a stray tear trying really hard to get out from my tear gland.

I tried to continue my night without thinking anything about him. I started drinking, and my friends were giving me drinks. The night started pretty slowly as the boys and girls were on the dance floor dancing. I was standing beside the DJ booth trying to dance myself to the music.

More drinks were flowing to my throat, I can see the boy happily dancing and drinking with his bunch of friends from where I was standing.

It was after midnight that the drinking of 12 year old distilled malt drink that is getting me tipsy. I did not just stopped there, I continued drinking.

The next thing I know, more tears were flowing, and I was looking at the boy, trying to think back the times when we were still together; trying to think back the good times when we were still together.

It worked, with the music, and the abundance alcohol, I finally break down, and cried.

I was pissed drunk, I could not even walk straight. My friend who I was with could not drive my car, she had to call another friend of mine who were already home to come pick us up.

I sometimes still wonder, how long will this last. For the past 3 months, I had already stopped shredding tears for the boy. I tried to move on, but I don’t think I can now after I see myself what had happened to myself.

I always thought that having someone else in my heart now would change everything. I was wrong, again.

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I have lost my language power.

A writing assignment has been pass to me for the weekend, and I had spent countless hour trying to think how can I write it. I know, it works that way.

Here I am, lying down on my comfortable bed at 2 am in the morning New York time trying to write something. Perhaps a switch of attention would do some good, I hoped.

John had been lazying around the house. While we try not to interfere with each other’s work, it does get on my nerves when he tries to cook something in the kitchen. The laundry, the detergent and the rest are just nothing something that I want to mention right now.

Of course, other than that he is really being a good boy friend. He don’t disturb me when he knows I am working on something.

Writing for a big corporation does take it tolls. It’s like Carrier Bradshaw writing for their weekly column of “Sex and The City”, things sometimes get a little out of hand when you are trying to write about relationships, and what not.

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I could not explain why, but of recent, I have seldom think about The Boy. Yes, no more sleepless night, crying thinking of him and stuff. I am glad, for once because I think I have finally conquered the feeling of letting The Boy go.

Then, there is Harry that comes into picture.

If you remember Harry, Harry got a little too uncomfortable after our session along with David. Although David had not had sex with both of us that day when they were at my place, I had fun with Harry. Harry still refuse to talk about it, perhaps from the shyness that I would expect him to have. Well at least a little.

David on the other hand decided that perhaps retail business isn’t really his thing. Well, I warned him few months before his attempt into it. Now that he is arranging interviews with other companies and etc, lets hope he is doing well.

The Boy however, gave me a shock of my lifetime, still.

Stories and rumors of The Boy actually had me as his first boy friend was shocking enough to put me into disbelieve for the next couple of days. Perhaps that is why he was so hard to let go himself when we broke up the first, and second time. Perhaps it was also one of the reason The Boy was so ‘easy’ on me on the courting part. Speaking of which, it is almost 1 1/2 years since I have seen The Boy. I would really love to just show up in front of his door step, and just say hi.

Recently, I have uploaded videos to a popular website. Not YouTube because YouTube do not allow illicit content. With that in mind, perhaps readers like you could suggest where I can upload, with a rather huge community of Malaysians preferred. So far, two of my videos were taken offline because apparently some person or people are complaining that my videos are in violation of copyright. My never seen video, of my own, having sex. Right!

I checked my web statistic and noticed that a few people are coming from Yahoo Mail, Google and stuff. They all ended up at my main page, and not some random page of my blog. I guess, someone might be promoting me again. Maybe the email states something like, “ewww look at this guy, so gay!” Now all you wankers homophobic hypocrites can go slap yourself on the face when you wank to Megan Fox, because she already admitted that she’s a man.

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But I am currently busy and partially being lazy as well.

So, you know the drill, will try to make this one a jiffy.

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