Cedric Ang

I am sad, angry, and a few more other feelings that I do not know how to put into words.

You see, in my blogging days, I get to know a lot of people, gay guys, gay twinks, gay muscular boys, and etc. In that journey, I also got to know people that take advantage of gay boys, ie those that spike drinks, and bring them for a ride later on.

I don’t call these my friends thought; merely acquaintance.

No matter how much I might be joying looking at videos of boys being fucked by a group of people, I had always imagined that these ‘short films’ are planned, and there was always a ‘director’ behind it.

I was dead wrong, when I saw one of these ‘short film’ featuring a friend of mine, a straight friend, 17 year old, from Kota Kinabalu.

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One of the most enjoyable trip with Bong and Melvin is the people watching. Bong refered that as his new hobby.

That’s right, we went to Melaka together, the place there the Dutch get hunted, and the Malays gets fucked and became the Baba and the Nyonya.

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I could feel a hot one taking me down
For a moment, I could feel the force
Fainted to the point of tears
And you were holding on to make a point
What’s the point?

I’m but a clean man, stable and alone man
Make it so I won’t have to try
The faces always stay the same
So I face the fact that I’m just fine
I said that I’m just fine

I miss you dearly, L

Lyrics from I Can Feel A Hot One by Manchester Orchestra

Of recent days, I kept on getting words about myself. Words that I have not been hearing for a very long time.

Nothing big really, just some rumors that I am always out there looking for sex. Well, that’s fine to me actually, but they put it in a way as if the sex partners that I would be with, or a more degrading term, my preys.

I would not be surprised, not many people could take the lewd jokes. The four letter words to them are foul words, rather than a form of expression. Even not many individuals that could that the flirt, as a form of conversation. They rather take it as a form of wanting sex.

A friend told me that a friend of his asked me not to meet up with me, because the friend thinks that I am just another person that is always looking for sex.

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WHAATTT?!?!?!

That was my first impression when Ronny told me that I could not have oral sex.

Scenes of horny boys and naked boys flashes in my head. No oral sex for a week would kill me, no oral sex for a month? You got the be kidding me.

It was half invitation by the organiser, and half intimidation by myself. I have always wanted to get back the tongue peircing ever since the last time I lost the first one.

Perhaps it was also partially because Lester had told me last time that he wanted to be kissed by someone with a tongue peircing. From the way he said it, it was as though he had wanted me to get one.

They said, tongue stud gives extra pleasure to the male organs, some say even french kissing someone with the tongue stud brings the person to a new high. I could only imagine.

I do not understand why do you people think I give a fuck what you people think if L.

L is a sweet boy, call me ignorant but I do not think that he is a money boy. Things between us did not work well, and I am trying to make things work, L too believes that things might work well between us, that is why there is this gap that both of us left ourself before the actual “breakup”.

Yes, we officially ended back in April, earlier but I choose to ignore the details. To me, it never ended back then because after that, we got back together, had loads of fun spending time together, making love (mind you, not sex!) and just being in the presence of each other.

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For the past few months, my love story has been the most complicated one. I dare not say that no one ever encounter anything like mine, but I am pretty sure I do not know anyone that had the same experience like I did.

While my relationship ended with “L”, I told myself that I would wait for him to come back. I love L a lot, and I dare not imagine myself looking for another person, and start a relationship with him.

When I met Eric, it totally changed. I did not want to start a relationship with Eric, but rather because Eric is so alike “L” I thought of starting it, just to see what happen.

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