Cedric Ang

It has been a couple of weeks since the boy had announced that he has found a new boy friend. It is also the same time that me, the ex boy friend been crying almost every night.

How can I help it? I could not do anything but just let the tears flow from my eyes to my cheek and drop till my shirt, and sometimes on the bed.

Almost every night I cry myself silently, almost every night all I could do is to think of the mess I am in; the mess that I might not be able to clean up, a mess that I do not want to have anything to do with; a mess that I have regretted creating in the first place.

Listening to the Top 40 hit songs do not help, my ‘super emo’ play list has been on the iPod for the past nights accompanying my tear of loneliness.

(continue reading…)

I have tried so hard to protect him, but at the end, I ended up as his worst enemy.

I could not justify myself why and how did I do that; I had threaten the boy that I would go to his family to get back whatever money that he had owed me. The money that I used to pay for his college, the money that I gave him for spending, the money that I used to buy him gifts and presents.

I had a good reason to do that, the boy wanted to terminate all communication he got with me. He initiated it by deleting me off his MSN contacts, I found that out when I looked at the reverse list and could not find him there.

The boy said that he wanted it off because he do not want to think of me anymore. He had trouble letting me off his mind, and same goes for me.

Every time when we argue, I always use threat to go against him. I had promised him prior to this that I will not threaten him anymore, I had to at the end, because I do not want the relationship/friendship to end this way.

Had a few hours of talk yesterday night. I was supposed to go over to his place to grab his thumb drive so that I can put in Gossip Girl or songs for him. Suddenly the question of him having sex with his boy friend came to my mind. I had to know, it was a deal before, and I wish to keep that deal. The deal is that, if I pay for his college fees, he are not supposed to fall in love with another person, nor can he have sex with another person. Later on, I told him that I do not mind if he found someone else that could take care of him.

I do not know why did I say that to him, that I do not mind if he found another lover. I know I do not mean to say it, but I did. I just have to accept the fact that he is now gone.

For the past week, I have been to clubs, drinking and trying to enjoy the music. I do not want to stay in my room for the most of the time, because everything I see in my room, it will remind me of him.

(continue reading…)

I know my love life has been very complicated. Since my childhood, I had not many company. My closest friend is staying away from me because of work, and perhaps because he is also feeling guilty for borrowing so much money from me and not able to return back to me, but that is another story.

When I am with the boy, our relationship has been up and down. More on the down side, because we exchange words that we regret after that. I agree that my temper has been a major set down on what things has become, and I cannot blame the boy for that.

(continue reading…)

I guess one of the hardest thing that people encounter is when your ex boy friend tells you that they have found someone that they have fall in love with.

Many of my friends thinks that I was being foolish by supporting him in his studies, but to me, I think it is worth it as I thought it will give me the time to slowly regain the boy’s confidence.

A friend told me, that in a relationship, we cannot expect the other party to be always forgiving, and can see where is he coming from.

The relationship between me and the boy has been up and down. The most recent argument that we had was because I told him that I do not like items that flashes their logo or brand. Like a tee shirt, with a big NIKE logo at the front. The boy misunderstood me for saying that he is flashy. Why did I say that in the first place? We both agreed that we have different taste when we went shopping the other day at Pavilion. The things that he choose to buy, all bearing big logos at the front. I on the there hand, choose the more subtle designs.

(continue reading…)